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Og, on:

Brotherhood and sisterhood of the spoon.

John Kass, talking about liver sausage, reminds me of the brotherhood of the spoon. You may be- are probably- a member, though you may not realize it. You are a member if you ever woke in a cold sweat after having the dream of accordion playing giraffes, or the dog got you up to pee at 3 am, or you just finished that presentation or blogpost in the wee hours when everyone else is sleeping, and you found yourself in front of the fridge with the fridge light illuminating your varicose veins, a spoon in your hand. Might be you’re looking for some leftover jello with suspended chunks of fruit salad- because you wouldn’t want people to know you actually like it, so you eat it when nobody can see. Or a big dollop of cottage cheese. Maybe chase the cottage cheese with some of that Usingers Leberwurst. And there’s that last dab of whipped cream in the container, which will go green in another day, might as well get that out of there and rinse out the container. Ooh, there’s a container of Calumet Fisheries coleslaw. I need some of that. But not a lot. I don’t want to get fat. Just a spoonful will do. And we always wash the spoon off between bites. As far as you know. Isn’t there some Mint Chocolate chip in the freezer? ooh, yeah, and some Cherry Garcia. Make sure you put that spoon in the dishwasher so nobody suspects. Oh, you got a little guacamole on your boxers. Best wipe that off before you get back into bed.

Raise your spoons high, brothers and sisters.

weddings

are an interesting source of amusement for one who does not drink.

mephew married into a family of outrageously overendowed women. spent most of the evening lost in mental calculation- was the bride on the inside of that dress, trying to wriggle her way out, or on the outside, trying to wriggle her way in? I have not reached a conclusion. Alas, no further research will be possible.,

On isms.

Over here, James B is talking about race and political correctness.

he’s had a series of posts, in fact, and you should read them all. Because he makes a lot of sense- the inability of people to say things like “the black guy over there” because that would be construed as “racist” is just fucking stupid.

Here’s a fun little fact: Anyone who says “some of my best friends are black” ought to be shot right in the face with a squirt gun filled with juice squeezed from the underwear of fat venetian blind salesmen.

You know what? i got no black friends. I just have friends. I have a lot of people I know who are black, and some people I occasionally correspond with-or blog with, like James, or Baldilocks, are black, but I don’t think of them as black people. I think of them as people. Likewise, I work with people of all race and religion and preference, and frankly, I don’t give two hoots in hell.

I tend to take everyone at face value, and let them earn my respect or disdain on their own merits. The exceptions are these: If you act like an ass around women, or act like your shit doesn’t stink, you begin by earning my disrespect and you’ll have to dig hard to get out of that hole. If you are an overt or covert racist, same thing.

I can’t imagine disliking someone because of their color, creed, or normal sexual preference. By normal, I mean one of the basic seven: Hetero male, hetero female, bi male, bi female, gay male, gay female, asexual. Kids and animals- well, don’t let me find out, if you do that crap.

The idea that I should curb my behavior because someone might be offended if i say “gay” or “black” or “Chinese” or whatever… like James B says, Bite Me.

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