And I thought I could crapblog
I got nothing on this dude.
Money quote:
“Like a 43-year-old man with diverticulosis and IBS needs colon detox. Jesus. If I want my colon to be detoxed, all I need to do is wait and it’ll detox itself. It’s like having a self-cleaning oven, only the “self-cleaning” cycle activates randomly and usually at the most inconvenient times, like 5 AM on Thanksgiving morning when you’re just about ready to put the turkey in the oven.
Adding “colon detox” to that is like buying a monkey trained to push the “self clean” button on your oven’s control panel. No: it’s like buying a monkey with an electrode embedded in the pleasure center of its brain, and connecting that electrode to the “self clean” button on your stove, so the monkey pushes the button over and over and over and over again and you can never bake a goddamned thing because the oven’s always on its clean cycle. (And your electric bill is through the roof!)”
I actually pissed myself a little laughing. Thank god it’s a hotel room.
Oatmeal cookies and cold milk………..
Oh, yeah, Angry. That’s like pulling the pin on a grenade for me.
…and I don’t even have it BAD. Okay, my friend “Sailor V”, he’s got Chrone’s. That’s like giving that monkey with the electrode in his brain an unholy cocktail of PCP, LSD, crack, and meth, before you hook him up to the current: what you end up with is a psychotic monkey wirehead destroying your kitchen on Thanksgiving morning at 5 AM. You’re just there to put a turkey in the oven but the refrigerator has been thrown through the window and the oven is on fire, and the monkey is hanging from the pipes it pulled out of the dishwasher and tearing up the linoleum.
In other words, a big mess.
(Thanks for the kind words, Og! :D)
All I can say is I just spilled my Guiinness I was laughing so hard.