That the accordion was originally intended as a weapon; the origins of this infernal machine are lost in the mists of time.

Oh, there are a few who understand the brown note and even a short list of people who can actually play it, but the actual destructive power of a bisonic, chromatic war accordion is gruesome in the extreme.

Sure, there are other weaponized instruments, like the Bagpipe. The Argyle and Sutherland highlanders have all but forgotten their original destructive power- while they can still make some people cringe with the sound of their approach they cannot match the terror they brought to the fields of war when the regiment first blew the lethal infrasonic strains of Garryowen, causing the enemy to drop their weapons and grab their heads in agony, then drop to the ground where they were straddled by the kilted commandos, and the nausea caused by the sight of hairy swinging Scottish nuts made short work of any invaders.

Still, the Accordion or Ακορντεον as used by the greeks was used to make directed infrasonic beams of sound that could be focused like a laser and cause the recipient’s spleen to exit the body through the anus, bringing several feet of small intestine along for the ride. The Greek Phalanx, long thought to be a defensive strategy, was actually an offensive one, the edges of the shields had cloth flaps soaked in milkweed juice, a form of latex, and when laced together the entire platoon could be played like a giant Ακορντεον causing a high decibel directed beam of extremely low frequency sound that could blow riders off their horses and cause involuntary breakdancing as far away as 400 yards.

Worst of all was accordion to accordion combat. Accordion operators would deafen themselves with aggressive use of Q tips to prevent their own backwash from driving them mad, and when they came together on the battlefield the cacophony of noise would cause bystanders to lose their lunch or worse. The overflow of the sound was bad enough, but if you were facing a rival accordionist you were likely to have the jelly in your eyes boiled by a finely focused cluster of diatonic chords while the subsonics collapsed your lungs and a sustained repetitive keyboard riff locked your brain into an earworm from which it would never recover- if you were unlucky enough to survive you sat alone at night screaming the Eight Bars of Earworm Evil until you neglected to eat long enough that you starved to death, or someone came along and stabbed you in the neck out of pure mercy.