One of them is the nature of my digestive system. It obviously has been a while but there have been many crapblogging opportunities. Here’s a memory I hope you enjoy.

Out on a job, I visit some friends locally who invite me to dinner rather than meet me at a restaurant. I’m always up for a home cooked meal and they are very gracious hosts.

Later that same night I wake up to some intestinal pressure which I hope is gas. I switch to the shit fart detector circuitry to red alert and crack off an exploratory fart. It seems as everything is in the proper third state of matter so I carefully loosen the sphincter and I’m rewarded with a resonant note that Trails off into a deep staccato. I relax because I am please not to have soiled another hotel bed. And then the aroma wafts up from beneath the duvet.

You wouldn’t think that pork chops and collard greens could turn into something that smelled that bad, but it definitely can.

And here I am in a hotel room in Poughkeepsie, breathing my last poison breath, and I never even got to say goodbye to my toaster.