John Kass, talking about liver sausage, reminds me of the brotherhood of the spoon. You may be- are probably- a member, though you may not realize it. You are a member if you ever woke in a cold sweat after having the dream of accordion playing giraffes, or the dog got you up to pee at 3 am, or you just finished that presentation or blogpost in the wee hours when everyone else is sleeping, and you found yourself in front of the fridge with the fridge light illuminating your varicose veins, a spoon in your hand. Might be you’re looking for some leftover jello with suspended chunks of fruit salad- because you wouldn’t want people to know you actually like it, so you eat it when nobody can see. Or a big dollop of cottage cheese. Maybe chase the cottage cheese with some of that Usingers Leberwurst. And there’s that last dab of whipped cream in the container, which will go green in another day, might as well get that out of there and rinse out the container. Ooh, there’s a container of Calumet Fisheries coleslaw. I need some of that. But not a lot. I don’t want to get fat. Just a spoonful will do. And we always wash the spoon off between bites. As far as you know. Isn’t there some Mint Chocolate chip in the freezer? ooh, yeah, and some Cherry Garcia. Make sure you put that spoon in the dishwasher so nobody suspects. Oh, you got a little guacamole on your boxers. Best wipe that off before you get back into bed.

Raise your spoons high, brothers and sisters.