In 1987, my ex filed for divorce. I got fired from my job at a printer. I wasn’t making enough to live on my own, because I had strayed from my real purpose and calling in life, so I wasn’t succeeding. I had bills and problems, a $75 car, and not much in the way of prospects. Then the head gasket on my $75 car failed. And I didn’t even have the $18 a new head gasket would cost. I thought shit couldn’t possibly get any worse, and then Dad died. <\/p>\n
I remember sitting in the basement of the house I was going to be vacating soon, and thinking, I wonder if I’ll feel the bullet leave the muzzle? Will it be a strong sensation, or just a loud noise and then nothing? THe muzzle of the 380 was cool and salty in my mouth. <\/p>\n
Frankly, the only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was knowing my soon-to-be ex wouldn’t lift a finger to clean the mess, that my mom would be stuck with the job of cleaning my brains and skull off the inside of the basement staircase. <\/p>\n
We all have down moments. I’ve had some bad ones. And I came out the other side, with the help of some very good friends and decent human beings. <\/p>\n