{"id":2602,"date":"2008-10-07T05:31:18","date_gmt":"2008-10-07T10:31:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=2602"},"modified":"2008-10-07T07:45:52","modified_gmt":"2008-10-07T12:45:52","slug":"lower-than","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=2602","title":{"rendered":"Lower Than…"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"BelugaDildo\"
\nWhale Shit: the source.<\/p>\n

Popular expression, that. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lower than Whale Shit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Last week I went to the Georgia Aquarium to see whether there was, in fact, anything lower than Whale Shit. And since they have not only several beluga whales, but four whale sharks (OK, whale sharks are technically sharks – fish – not whales, but they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re big…and they shit), I figured it was the perfect venue for my research.<\/p>\n

Ah, the beluga whale. Alas, not the source of beluga caviar. Probably a good thing, because I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d be in that tank in a New York minute with my boning knife, slicing my way in towards those honkin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 humongous ovaries.<\/p>\n

The beluga whale looks like nothing so much as a hyperinflated Sex Toy. Possibly something that could tickle the fancy (is that<\/em> what they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re calling it these days?) of the 50 Foot Woman. And it shits like a goose.<\/p>\n

When a whale lays cable, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like the cable that holds up suspension bridges. Thick. Meaty. And it sinks like a rock.<\/p>\n

They don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t keep other aquatic critters in the whale tank. It makes for a lonely cetacean existence, sure…but at least you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have the horrifying spectacle of frantic fish darting hither and yon, trying to escape the Deadly Rain o\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Dookie from above. And believe me, those fish are grateful.<\/p>\n

For, thanks to the stupendous sphinctural muscles of the beluga, the density of those Dookie-Chunks approaches that of a white-dwarf star. When it hits the bottom of the tank, it immediately starts working its way to the center of the Earth, crushing its way through solid rock.\u00c2\u00a0 (At least it helps keep the tank clean.)<\/p>\n

So: There is nothing<\/em> lower than Whale-Shit.<\/p>\n

[Unless it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the collective mood of Wall Street investors.]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whale Shit: the source. Popular expression, that. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lower than Whale Shit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Last week I went to the Georgia Aquarium to see whether there was, in fact, anything lower than Whale Shit. And since they have not only several beluga whales, but four whale sharks (OK, whale sharks are technically sharks – fish – not whales, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2602","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-factlets"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2602"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2602"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2602\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2602"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2602"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2602"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}