A lot of my family were farmers, or came from farms. This meant they were neither squeamish nor prudish. Plenty of outhouses, and chamber pots too. I had, by the ripe old age of 12, already had plenty of experience with outhouses, as far as using them was concerned.<\/p>\n
So it was not unusual for me to use the two-holer at my grandfathers house, a little place in town (after he’d moved off the farm) that was old enough that the two-holer was- I can’t resist- grandfathered in. <\/p>\n
The actual bathroom in the house was an Honest to God Crapper, a porcelean beauty with a high porcelean wall tank. The force of the water travelling down that five foot tube made it flush like a house afire. Frankly, it scared me. <\/p>\n
So when possible, I used the outhouse. The seat was a piece of plywood with a pair of nice plastic Crane seats screwed to it so you didn’t get splinters. The seat would flex a little, and I lifted the piece of plywood so I could see why. The frame was just 2×4 lumber, and there was a crosspiece in the middle, between the seats, that was rotting at the back end.<\/p>\n
So I got permission to fix it. I got a chunk of 2×4 from the woodshed and cut it on the sawbuck. I pulled out the old nails and nailed it into place. it was wonderful.<\/p>\n
the seat was nice and firm, and the new board was appreciated by one and all. <\/p>\n
Including a nest of wasps. <\/p>\n
Apparently they liked the cedar 2×4 I put there, and started to build an epic nest. Actually, they had started to build the nest before I put the board there, but i just thought it was some mold growing on the board. Before too long it was a pretty substantial nest. <\/p>\n
I went back home, after all it was just a visit. We went back later in the summer, and during THAT visit, my mom and sister were using the inside crapper, so Gramma and Grampa went outside to use the two-holer. <\/p>\n
A short period of silence ensued. <\/p>\n
Followed by the screaming of two elderly folks and the ruckus of them exploding forth from the outhouse. A visual that sadly, will never leave me. <\/p>\n
I got my ass whipped, for what I don’t know; the damned wasps werent’ there when I put the board in. Still, if I had a couple of wasp stings on my nether regions and they swelled up to resemble a couple of grapefruit in a knapsack, I’d want to have someones ass too. The old man used a broken off piece of the toilet seat to beat me with, other than a titsling,<\/a> the most unusual thing I have ever been beaten with. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A lot of my family were farmers, or came from farms. This meant they were neither squeamish nor prudish. Plenty of outhouses, and chamber pots too. I had, by the ripe old age of 12, already had plenty of experience with outhouses, as far as using them was concerned. So it was not unusual for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3620","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3620"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3620\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3620"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3620"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3620"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}