This…. well, this is gonna be a bit graphic, so send the kids out ofg the room. Might wanna swallow your coffee before you click to expand the page, too.
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\nLast fall, I’m at Mom’s carving the turkey for thanksgiving, and I slice my thumb open because someone uses my handmade carving knife to HACK BONES AGAINST THE EDGE of the metal pan. So, I tape myself up and eat.<\/p>\n
After dinner, we’ve all eaten until we’re near to bursting, and I feel the inevitable motive power of mom’s sage stuffing acting on my lower intestine. Few things in life, face it, are more satisfying than a well placed bowel movement after a healthy meal, and it is not without a certain satisfaction that I grab the latest Reader’s Digest and head off to mom’s downstairs throne. <\/p>\n
Now, I’m a bit stiff in the hand from having sliced into the meat of my thumb, and as i sit, I realize the Digest is an old issue, that I’ve read before. Palm to the rescue! I slip my palm pilot out of my pocket, and thumb the switch for a quick game of freecell.<\/p>\n
On several occasions, the Ogwife has accused me of having really, really large balls. While, metaphorically speaking, she’s right, I tend to be bold; but in reality I suspect my testes are no larger than the norm. I have conducted NO studies whatsoever to determine the veracity of this theory. <\/p>\n
On the other hand, I DO have an abnormally large scrotum. One old girlfriend referred to it as the pouch, another told me I had enough scrotum to make a nice scrotum and a fine set of matching luggage. I suspect this to be an exaggeration; an overnight bag at most. <\/p>\n
Anyway, I draw the stylus from the back of my Palm 7 and the clumsiness of the freshly taped thumb causes me to flip it to the floor opposite. I lean down to retrieve the pen, and<\/p>\n
DUNK MY BALLS IN THE TOILET WATER!!!<\/p>\n
Now, this is a certainty with a normal crapper, but this is a high stool, a handicapper so to speak, with the facility to deal with someone with disabilities (other than macroscrota) It’sw a LONG way from the rim to the water. <\/p>\n
ICK!ICK!ICK!<\/p>\n
So, I slip as quietly as I can out of my pants and have a quick hose off in the shower, and sit back down. I haven’t even begun my business, so to speak, and frankly, mom cleans in such a manner as to make the toilet water probably more sanitary than most public drinking fountains. Still, I dunked my balls in the WATER! ICK!!!<\/p>\n
From that moment on, I have been in the practice of hanging the boys out of the bowl, over the edge where required, or at least holding them out of the damp. <\/p>\n
yeah, I know, tmi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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