Recently, I’ve begun working form home. An incredible boon to me, as intrepids will note, because of the gruelling commute I normally have. So far, it’s working out great, I’m getting much more done and I have a lot of my life back.<\/p>\n
In the meantime, i’m no longer at the source of the motherlode of sweets. I’m serious: there is hardly a time at my office when there aren’t three or four dozen KrispyKremes, or something equally awful, as well as a filing cabinet drawer kept stocked by our receptionist, always filled with Reeses and snickers and every manner of fattening g9odness. Consequently I’m losing weight at a fair clip. Now, my sweet tooth will not be denied, so I have been eating (in small quantities, of course) those sugarfree candy bars.
\n
\nSomething most people don;t know about that sort of thing, is that foods containing maltodextrin or any of the sugar alcohols (which tend to be low “carb”) have the effect of, er, altering your digestive system.<\/p>\n
In my case, the “alteration” can only be described as borborygmy; the grumbling and tumbling of the guts is almost constant, and the gas is…. well the gas is bad. Now, as far as I’m concerned, the gas hasn’t an overly objectionable smell, just a huge volume. And an excess of gas tends to, ah, push things ahead of it. Like five or six bowel movements a day. To the point where I’ve had to resort to using baby wipes because the softest aloe soaked asswipe has rubbed me raw. Thank God I’m not gay, because I wouldn’t be having sex for a WHILE. <\/p>\n
On the other hand, last night as I was helping the Nephiew hammer together his engine, he grabbed one of the bars from the freezer and snarfed it back like a Bugblatter Beast Blatting a Bug.<\/p>\n
He’d been bitching about my extended and melodious farts all evening,but after a couple hours, he learned something about those chocolate bars, and the grumbling was beginning to sound like a team of horses running in snowshoes through honey laced with ball bearings. he was leaning over the engine trying to hook up one of the Oxygen Sensors (Lambda probes for you europeans) and he let one rip. <\/p>\n
He looked at me.<\/p>\n
I looked back at him.<\/p>\n
His face turned red<\/p>\n
I said “that was solid, wasn’t it?”<\/p>\n
His face turned a darker red<\/p>\n
I said, “get to the crapper and clean yourself up, you sick bastard”<\/p>\n
When he returned, we decided to break for the evening. And not a moment too soon.<\/p>\n
I had one of those bars too. It was time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Recently, I’ve begun working form home. An incredible boon to me, as intrepids will note, because of the gruelling commute I normally have. So far, it’s working out great, I’m getting much more done and I have a lot of my life back. In the meantime, i’m no longer at the source of the motherlode […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=548"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/548\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=548"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=548"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=548"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}