{"id":5922,"date":"2013-07-18T05:00:01","date_gmt":"2013-07-18T10:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=5922"},"modified":"2013-07-17T22:10:27","modified_gmt":"2013-07-18T03:10:27","slug":"i-know-i-really-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=5922","title":{"rendered":"I know. I really do."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Look, I know you appreciate that I have fixed your car. Or your watch. Or put a new bulb in your light fixture, or broken into your desk drawer when you locked your purse AND keys in there again. Or any of the other half million things I do for any of the misandrist dipwads I know. <\/p>\n<p>Please, God, do not cook anythng for me. I&#8217;m confident your grandmother&#8217;s recipe for kringligkflahnorkflokie is the bomb in the Old Country, but I do not recognize it as food, it smells like something I dug out of my navel after an all night session of horizontal mambo with a pakistani gymnast, and it has stained the tupperware container irretrievably. Your thanks is really, really all I need, and even that is better at a distance, I guarantee. Bake cookies if you must, and don&#8217;t be offended if I share them with my co workers,  but no secret cantonese-swedish fusion recipes, no hungarian goulash made from fresh marmoset sinuses, nothing. <\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re desperate to thank me somehow, a simple handjob will suffice. Or show me your tits. Or not so much. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Look, I know you appreciate that I have fixed your car. Or your watch. Or put a new bulb in your light fixture, or broken into your desk drawer when you locked your purse AND keys in there again. Or any of the other half million things I do for any of the misandrist dipwads [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5922","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5922"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5922"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5922\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}