{"id":6329,"date":"2014-03-29T07:41:46","date_gmt":"2014-03-29T12:41:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=6329"},"modified":"2014-03-29T07:42:06","modified_gmt":"2014-03-29T12:42:06","slug":"scatology-for-those-of-you-who-have-waited-oh-so-long","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/?p=6329","title":{"rendered":"Scatology, for those of you who have waited oh so long."},"content":{"rendered":"

Peter over at Bayou Renaissance man, posts a list of odd book titles<\/a>. The one that sticks with me is “How to poo on a date”<\/a>. This hits a nerve because I have been- several times- faced with this proposition. <\/p>\n

Once upon a time, in my lush rolling youth, I had a phillipino girlfriend some nine years my junior. I was broke and she was loaded so usually she bought dinner and we retired to some secluded place to play variations on hide-the-salami. Oh, sometimes I could spring for a room but when the weather was fine we preferred the great outdoors. And one of the great outdoor places we liked a lot were industrial parks. <\/p>\n

See, at the time, nobody could afford security cameras, and big box industrial units all had loading docks, so I would park my Probe down in the loading dock, invisible from the street, and we would get busy. <\/p>\n

One night, after a particularly large meal, I was hiding my sausage with some vigor when I discovered I needed to drop the kids off at the pool. RIGHT NOW. So I excused myself, hurriedly grabbing the roll of blue shoptowels out of the back of the car, leaving her spread-eagled on a blanket next to the car. I ran as fast as my clenched cheeks would let me, and as I crested the ramp and crossed the lot into the shrubbery, I noticed there was a lake. “Oh, look, a lake!” I said as I squatted, I had hoped out of sight, and began to do my business. <\/p>\n

My ladyfriend, possessed of a wicked sense of humor, turned on the car’s headlights, beaming my squatting silhouette onto the side of the adjacent building in a shadow easily thirty feet tall. <\/p>\n

What could I do? I finished what I was doing, hoping the police wouldn’t be drawn to this unholy squatting batsignal, got the paperwork done, and returned to finish where I had started. <\/p>\n

From that moment on, all she had to do was say “Oh, look, a lake” (Usually in front of her parents) and I turned red as a fire engine. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Peter over at Bayou Renaissance man, posts a list of odd book titles. The one that sticks with me is “How to poo on a date”. This hits a nerve because I have been- several times- faced with this proposition. Once upon a time, in my lush rolling youth, I had a phillipino girlfriend some […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6329","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6329"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6329"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6329\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}