When I was around eighteen years old, I learned that engines didn’t grow in oak trees. I hung many a chain over many a branch hoping for a nice small block, or a new slant six for the old Valiant but never had any luck with it. I remember driving through new neighborhoods asking dad “there are no trees. Where do the motors go?” <\/p>\n
I was nearly fourteen before I understood they were saying “Void where prohibited”. prior to that I thought they were saying “Boys were prohibited” All those contests I missed out on. Damn. <\/p>\n
I was twenty one when I discovered the way to cure a nymphomaniac was to marry her. <\/p>\n
I was almost eleven before I realized my sister wasn’t just a kid mom was babysitting for the neighbors. Thing was, I got slapped every time I asked “when are we gonna send her back?”. You’d think I’d have figured it out sooner. <\/p>\n
We moved nine times int he first eight years of my life. Dad would rent a place cheap, (in those days cheap was thirty, thirty five bucks a month) and fix\/clean\/upgrade it out of pocket, then the landlord would show up and say “This place is too nice for thirty bucks a month. Your rent is now $90 a month” and we’d move. I thought you HAD to move every year. <\/p>\n
I was ten when I learned Gary Miller had pubic hair and I didn’t. Freaked me out, he looked like some kind of animal. I plucked my pubes until I was fourteen. THen it just got to be too much <\/p>\n
I was forty three when I learned not to drink the WHOLE bottle of whiskey at once. <\/p>\n
I wonder what things I’ll learn next?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When I was around eighteen years old, I learned that engines didn’t grow in oak trees. I hung many a chain over many a branch hoping for a nice small block, or a new slant six for the old Valiant but never had any luck with it. I remember driving through new neighborhoods asking dad […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-962","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/962"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=962"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/962\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=962"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=962"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/neanderpundit.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=962"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}