The Oglet
went to visit with Gramma a while last night, and brought home a newspaper clipping from the local rag where I grew up.
The clipping relates the conviction of a priest for multiple molestation to a school in Cedar Lake. My school. The priest in question taught me 8th grade english and freshman/sophomore theology. He was an OK english teacher but not much of a theologian.
I often comment that I am a disagreeable adult because I was a disagreeable child. I was so disagreeable as to be unable to be molested by a Catholic Priest. Lots of people think I am joking; this is not a joke.
Maybe I was just more aware of things then than my classmates were, but in retrospect, it should have been fairly obvious to anyone. So for those people who have been living under rocks for all their life, here’s how you can spot the kiddy diddlers from miles off.
There is an urban legend about Fred Rogers- that he was a kiddy diddler serving a sentence- and that was why no children ever appeared on the show. Not only untrue, but here’s the thing: He was never just Fred. He was never any kid’s buddy. He was never Oscar, or Barney, he was Mr Rogers. He was an adult. You called him by his name and you used respect. And that was specifically the reason he did that. because adults can be friendly with children and civil and polite, but they must be adults. The moment you’re your kids “Best pal” you cross the line into creepy, and any teacher your kid says “Is everybody’s best friend” is automatically suspect.
I had a lot of really good teachers. They were professionals and took their jobs very seriously, and you called them by their honorific. Father Fred. Brother Ed. Doctor Steve. They expected your respect, and they expected no nonsense. They were right out there cheering during soccer games, and any one of them would spend time with any kid who needed help with homework or even personal problems. I know, because a lot of them really helped me through some very tough times. But I knew to avoid Father Dick, and I did. I never let us be in a room with a closed door, and I knew when he was hearing confessions and avoided that booth.
I also know the kid that he molested, I knew it was going on at the time, and I can tell you something you might not want to hear: That kid sought out his company, and was proud of being a part of a very elite group of kids who got to hang with the cool adult, and far from being damaged by it, used the relationship to his advantage every time he could.
Fishermen don’t fish in bathtubs. Hunters don’t seek bambi in shopping malls. And kiddy diddlers don’t hang out in old folks homes. Child molesters are drawn to situations like schools like moths to a flame. When I was a kid, Boys Town was full of them, the juvenile home was staffed by them, there were perverts wherever damaged kids were, making sure the kids couldn’t make it into the world without being completely fucked.
Because Catholics run a lot of these kinds of facilities, tending to the needs of society’s abandoned, they drew a lot of these jerks. Administrators for orphanages, usually underfunded and harried to begin with, were happy they got what help they could get- so two or three kids got abused, but thousands of others were saved, right? so blind eyes were turned everywhere. And statistically when the good one does dramatically outweighs any damage, well, you have to take what you can get.
But it doesn’t make it much fun for the kid who goes to sleep each night with his asshole bleeding or a nasty taste in his mouth that doesn’t seem to go away and seems to flavor every bite of food he eats.
Humans are predators. The very worst of them are the ones who publicly deny their predatory nature. We will be faced with this type of dirtbag for as long as humans exist, and we will bring this sickness into every nook and cranny of human existence. We will also see a certain percentage of the “Victims” who turn this situation to their own advantage and use it to blackmail or torment their abuser. Neither situation is right, but humans are assholes.
The Priest in question is doing time, and will be prosecuted for other cases soon. This is a good thing. I’m not as pleased about the little runt that got a mid-six figure payday for ingratiating himself to the point of gathering experiences he could use for blackmail and then breaking bad on the priest later on. In that case, and I have seen it happen many times with my own eyes, both parties are predators and both should be punished, not just one.
Anyway, watch your children’s teachers, especially when they think you’re not watching. Any of them that are too quick to be pals and not remain friendly-but-separate adults, those ones you keep both eyes on, and make sure you share your suspicions with everyone.
14 comments Og | Uncategorized
When I was in junior high, at least two of my favorite instructors were gay. In fact, one of them lived with his partner on the next block over from us. It was no secret, at least not to us. And no big deal because neither he or his partner were interested in kids that way. They were just gay. No huhu. Even Dad got along with them :)
The other instructor, I dunno what his story was. He was 100% cool about the whole thing at school; you’d have never known he was gay, or at least you’d have never been sure. But my wife, who partied with him, says he was, and I can see it. Like the other instructor, it just was what it was, no big deal and no accusations of inappropriateness ever.
Both are conveniently dead and have been for some years :) But their orientation never affected my academic relationship with them, and they really were great teachers. I guess I was lucky. Today, at least from what we read in the news, it seems like the common-sense restraint these two showed is a lot less in evidence.
And watch out for those wild female teachers. Jeez.
Good points all, and thanks for the honesty.
Gay is one thing. Pedophile is another.
Most gays are not in the least bit interested in having sex with children. Most straight adults are likewise not interested in sex with children. They all want equal partners.
Pedophiles are the deepest kind of sick. It’s incurable. Some are just born that way; others were themselves abused as children and reenact the abuse as adults. There’s no excuse for any of it.
While sex is involved, that’s not the only part of it or event the biggest part of it. It’s a power thing. And while I’m sure there are some kids that are available and open to these overtures — — and I’ve actually met a few, including someone who told me he was a hustler at 10 years of age. (Knowing him as an adult I was not shocked or even surprised, sad to say. He was obviously ill in every possible way.) Just the same, even that 10 year old hustler was a child; once he was innocent. Children cannot consent to sex, it’s not a consensual act when the participants are not equal.
It’s even worse when the adult is in a position where they are accorded power and respect and the child has none. Most of these stories go unreported because the kids think no one will believe them and they are afraid of further repercussions. Sometimes threats go along with the abuse, so for sure they won’t say anything. Some of them bury this abuse deep in their psyche, an unexploded bomb that goes off later in life, often destroying families and ruining lives.
I’ve had the misfortune to run into a few of these people over the years. God help them, please; I could not. It is difficult to impossible to forge healthy relationships with broken people.
People can recover from these abusive episodes, but it’s difficult and incredibly painful. All too often those that have spoken up discover there are unpleasant consequences for telling the truth, even as adults.
It’s not just the Catholic church, though the priests have gotten most of the press. Ministers, teachers, child care workers, coaches, Boy and Girl Scout leaders, etc. And until recently the Catholic church and other organizations treated these incidents in a way that was even more shameful and abusive than the original offenders. That’s changing now. Former victims are being heard, and getting help, and efforts are being made to make them whole. For those that think it’s a great payday for somebody, I suspect most of it goes to therapists. Or bartenders. Or worse.
That 10 year old hustler grew up to be, among other things, an addict, a liar, a cheat, a thief. I’m sure you’re not surprised. He was a “throwaway child;” his family told him all his life that he was useless and no damn good. He proved them right, yes indeed he did.
Some will never be made whole. (Like in Milwaukee, where the diocese transferred assets to a private cemetery and then filed for bankruptcy. This situation was facilitated and agreed to by the Vatican.)
I’m glad to see some justice — greatly delayed — is finally coming to these victims. I’m grateful the criminal justice system is catching up to these offenders. I pray this incidents diminish (I don’t have any hope that they will stop entirely; Og’s observation that some people are assholes still obtains.)
Jenny
Yeah, Nathan, we had a couple gay guys, and gay does not often correspond with molester, but it’s not a zero correspondence either
Gays are perverts. we have several in my sons school. I can tell by looking at them. If they touch him I will be in jail soon after. Nuff said on that subject.
I knew,in confession that afternoon for having masturbated, do NOT got to the rectory to discuss this further with the priest as he suggested.
I was 14 and that was over 40 yrs ago.
This was the same priest we as altar boys could never count on to be at mass on time for his drinking.
He was gone a few months later.
Left the priesthood to be a shoe salesman.
A family friend filled in the pastorate for awhile. He later married and left the priesthood.
My wife’s first husband is gay. She knew it going in. Thought he’d quit.
Her/our son did not get to visit dad when his school teacher lover was home.
The guy liked to “counsel” too many young boys. Maybe they liked “counseling”.
He and his current mate are friends of ours.
Great guys except for the Obama support.
Please delete this after a bit.
Jenny: One quibble- the Catholic church did nothing of the sort. Catholic clergy did. There is a BIG difference.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/02/us/dolan-sought-vatican-permission-to-shield-assets.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
If the Vatican is not church management, who is?
Jenny
Is the vatican the church?
No.
If people in dog collars are kid diddlers most people are not going to be fussy about the semantics. Especially if their bosses in the red hats try to cover it up. Just saying.
Even Jesus would bitchslap these people.
And yes, it’s not just Catholics. But it shouldn’t be anybody.
Jenny
It is semantics, and it is very important. The bishops, the priests and the pope, and the vatican ARE NOT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. I am the Catholic Church. So is my daughter. So is my wife. So is the guy who sits behind us at church and runs the bingo onm monday. And millions of other good and decent people WHO COVERED NOTHING UP AND APPROVE OF NONE OF THIS SHIT. When you say ‘The Catholic church did this” you are talking to ME. And if you say it to my face, be prepared to purchase dentures. This fucking ignorance is the problem. The leadership of the church is NOT the church, it is an embedded and powerful monarchy that we can as individual catholics neither control nor choose. Anyone who doesn’t understand that distinction has missed the whole point of Christianity.
The issue of pedophilia is clouded because many people group pre-pubescents (children) and pubescents (youths) together, calling them all “children” and the violators “pedophiles.” It’s more complicated than that, because the true pedophile is only interested in pre-pubescent children, and usually those of only one gender. I think – – I may be wrong on this – – that most Catholic priests fall into the category of ephebophiles, i.e., those with a sexual interest in pubescent youths (in the case of priests, mostly male youths). The priests are, to use the old term, pederasts, not pedophiles, because the pederast was also (mostly) interested in pubescent male youths. This is a trait shared by many (not all) gay men: a taste for young meat, similar to all of those female schoolteachers who have sex with their high-school-aged male students. Veal-eaters.
Indeed, Robert, and a very good and succint explanation of the facts.