And the livin is… greasy.

I have gone into full blown Gold Bond mode, because the weather is muggy and often quite hot. Not normal Indiana Summer hot, mind, you, but hot nonetheless.

So I bond my boys regularly, but time was I had no idea nor knowledge of the soothing power of the Powdered Joy known as Gold Bond.

SO In the summertime I would do what men have done to keep their boys dry for thousands of years. I used cornstarch.

In the first year after my divorce from the Ice Princess, I was working for a small company downtown Chicago, and it was miserable in the summer.

Dad had died two years before, and I was living wiht mom. I would come how from work, beat like a rented mule, and strip down to my shorts, lay in the backyard on the picnic table and nap.

You learned to sleep in that position in the steel mills- you lay on a bench, and put one arm and one leg up on the table.

My dog, Lady, a beagle/terrier mix, and Dad’s dog Pebbles, would lay on the ground under the picnic table and we’d nap togehter.

Sometimes, though..

The cornstarch I used to keep my freakishly large scrotum from chafing would often ball up and form little wads of… well, cornstarch dough. And the virulent yeast infections I often had from watery bints laying about in ponds….. well, the dough would actualy rise.

This in itself was disgusting enough, but….

Occasionally, stripped down to my boxers, one of the dogs would nuzzle up my shorts leg and start licking away at this…. crotch bread, for lack of a better word.

So once or twice a month, that summer, I’d wake up, laying on the picnic table, boxers splayed, nutsack hanging out, dog licking it…..

Just not a pretty sight, people.

This IS why you come here, right?