Sunday night, after the range, Partner reminds me of a girlfriend he used to have, whose mother always made the house smell april fresh by pinning dryer sheets inside the curtains. The heat would move up behind the curtains and carry the scent into the room.

Me: I am SO trying that in my underwear.

Partner: Nothing that comes out of your underwear will ever be completely April Fresh.

Me: It will be like springtime in the sewer! April in gehenna! It will smell like someone took a shit in a basket of fresh laundry.

Partner: It will be like Cooney has come back from the dead.

We managed to amuse ourselves to tears until the Ogwife and Oglet threatened to move to another table and disassociate themselves from us.