Neanderpundit

Putting out fires as fast as I can pee on them. Between entertaining and chauffering Japanese technicians. Nice guys, appreciate pizza and hot women. Still, leave home at six and get home at midnight kills you.

Over here at HOI, Steve reminisces about this weekend with his Dad in Kentuck, trying to sleep through jet-engine like snoring.

I can relate. Or, those that know me, can.

I went through a sleep study some years ago. Let me tell you something about sleep studies: if you can sleep through one? you DON’T have a sleeping issue.

First: I cannot sleep on my back. Sleep sudies pretty much require that you sleep on your back.

Second: SOmeone is watching you sleep. If this doesn’t creep you out, you need to have a check up from the neck up. No, it’s not about modesty, see the post several below this one- I showered daily with over a hundred other guys for years. It’s just creepy.

Third: You have a hissing, burbling thing sitting thirty inches from your head inflating you as you try to sleep. You have to push hard to exhale.

Fourth: you have electrodes glued to your scalp, legs, etc. with the medical equivalent of Elmer’s Glue.

Fifth: Every time you move, some electrode/wire/piece of tubing/whatever comes loose and the examiner has to turn on the lights and come in and fix something.

sixth: When you DO get a CPAP, it’s like having Darth Vader whispering in your ear all night long. While a machine inflates your face. Should you accidentally open your mouth, the whistling noise will make neighbors a block away think you’re yodeling.

I could as easily have slept with a pair of live scorpions duct taped to the inside of my eyelids. It’s pure and simple bullshit. I pity anyone who goes through it, and as far as I’m conncerned, anyone who claims to derive any benefit from this voodoo is demonstratingthe placebo effect.

I am a sound sleeper, always have been. A tornado once rocked the foundations of our house, sucked off a part of the roof, busted the windows out of the house. I slept through it. I woke in a rain-soaked bed covered with broken glass while my mom and my kid sister cowered in the basement. I have slept standing up wedged between two huge pipes filled with extrmely volatile gas. I have slept on a picnic table in a park while someone was using a chainsaw five feet away.

A commenter at Steve’s place suggests I “zen out’. Sorry, pbird. Pity you were taken in by this bullshit. Sorry my insurance premiums go to pay for rube goldberg treatments for made-up maladies so idiot physicians can take their seat by the money river and dip into my pockets.

because I’m busy as shit. Nephew got a Cushman Work Cart given to him a couple weeks ago, brought it over to the house sunday. Last night he throws a battery in it, and it fires right up- I come home and he’s driving it around the yard grinning like the worlds biggest 8 year old. We’re gonna restore it and use it to haul crap out of the backyard etc.

Insert redneck jokes here.