Neanderpundit

Steve is putting together recipes for the cooking impaired. I like to think of myself as handy in the itchen, but I do have a handful of simple recipes. One which I did last thursday foir the wife was such a success she demanded I do it agian, and write the recipe so she could do it.

Funky Chicken:
Two large chicken breasts, frozen
can pineapple chunks
small can mushrooms
4 airline packets of salted nuts
Soy sauce

Saute mushroomsin butter. Use a lot of butter. Cook to taste. Set aside on a paper plate.
Use a heavy knife to cut the frozen chicken breasts into small chunks since you forgot to thaw them out
I use a cleaver. AN axe probably works well.
Rinse the chicken breasts until they begin to thaw and sit on top of a plate in the sink in the sun until they thaw.
Open can of pineapple chunks and drain juice into bowl. Add liberal amounts of soy sauce. And some salt. If you want.
Soak thawed chicken breasts in soy sauce/pineapple mixture. Wait until the wife comes home.
In a 12″ cast iron skillet, greased with lard, or a 12″ stainless pan greased with olive oil, fry up the chicken hot and fast. When the largest chunks are done through add half the pineapple chunks.
Add musrooms

Put a heaping tablespoon of flour or cornstarch into the soy/pineapple marinade and stir until the chunks are gone

Add mixture to cooking chicken
Add peanuts
Take peanuts out of bags and add them again.
Simmer mixture until the sauce thickens.

Serve over rice

Pretty simple.

Having spent some time on the expressways in Chicago yesterday, I have to take this moment to put up a reminder to many of the fine drivers I saw on the road:

The pedal on the right is the accelerator. Some people call it the “gas” pedal. Please use it.

If you are hispanic, the pedal may look like this:

THe “gas” pedal would be the one shaped like a big bare foot. You can see it through the tiny chrome chain steering wheel.

If you’re a hippie, the front of your car looks a bit like this:

The gas pedal is the one the brick is on. Point your microbus down a flower covered hill, with a steep drop at the bottom, put it in gear, and put the brick (shown) on the accelerator. Then climb in the back, light up, and let the free lovin’ begin!

If you’re a yuppie, and you drive a car with a stickshift,

the gas pedal is the one on the far right, again, and it can also be necesary to push in on the pedal to the far left and change to a higher gear.

Have a safe ride, and GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, YOU NIMRODS!!!

As they deal with the TSA.

Take a piece of lead sheeting, the kind that is used to line gutters &etc. Available at most hardware stores.

Lay your favorite pistol on the lead sheeting (automatics usually work best)

Trace outline of pistol onto sheet.

Cut sheet with shears to the shape of the pistol

Place thin lead silhouette in the cover of a book or between pages of a report in their laptop case

Wait for them to try to get through TSA.

Not that I would do this to someone. Nuh uh.