Recipes
Steve is putting together recipes for the cooking impaired. I like to think of myself as handy in the itchen, but I do have a handful of simple recipes. One which I did last thursday foir the wife was such a success she demanded I do it agian, and write the recipe so she could do it.
Funky Chicken:
Two large chicken breasts, frozen
can pineapple chunks
small can mushrooms
4 airline packets of salted nuts
Soy sauce
Saute mushroomsin butter. Use a lot of butter. Cook to taste. Set aside on a paper plate.
Use a heavy knife to cut the frozen chicken breasts into small chunks since you forgot to thaw them out
I use a cleaver. AN axe probably works well.
Rinse the chicken breasts until they begin to thaw and sit on top of a plate in the sink in the sun until they thaw.
Open can of pineapple chunks and drain juice into bowl. Add liberal amounts of soy sauce. And some salt. If you want.
Soak thawed chicken breasts in soy sauce/pineapple mixture. Wait until the wife comes home.
In a 12″ cast iron skillet, greased with lard, or a 12″ stainless pan greased with olive oil, fry up the chicken hot and fast. When the largest chunks are done through add half the pineapple chunks.
Add musrooms
Put a heaping tablespoon of flour or cornstarch into the soy/pineapple marinade and stir until the chunks are gone
Add mixture to cooking chicken
Add peanuts
Take peanuts out of bags and add them again.
Simmer mixture until the sauce thickens.
Serve over rice
Pretty simple.
12 comments Og | Uncategorized

Take frozen dinner out of freezer.
Burn in oven.
Dinner is served.
Nothing to it!
Hey, I can beat that.
Open chili
heat can of chili with acetylene torch. Grasp with welding glove. Eat.
Og, you forgot the last step:
Serve over rice.
Take wife out to restaurant.
Try this one sometime:
Make box of rice-a-roni according to box.
When rice is done, throw in some shrimp and frozen peas.
Cook about five more minutes and eat.
Kelly, that’s just white trash jambalayah. Get you some Zatarans. It’s at least closer to the real thing. And I guarantee you’ll like it.
And I don’t mean white trash to be perjorative, I’ve eaten plenty of that too.
Now THAT’s what I’m talkin’ about! LOVE this recipe. Fast and easy.
Nah, I never thought of it as jambalaya. It’s just rice-a-roni with shrimp.
I kinda like the blandness of the chicken rice-a-roni.
It does let the flavor of the shrimp stand out more. Adding the shrimp to Jambalaya is good if your shrimp suck, which is mostly all we can get here in the midwest.
Recipe for Cedar Planked Whitefish.
Take one Great Lakes Whitefish, remove small fins at top and belly, cut open so it is in two halves just barely joined by skin at top.
Take one Cedar Plank, and dredge it with Extra Virgin olive oil, and “fenu-greek” herb mixture. Smear some olive oil and the herbs on the inside of the fish.
Fasten the split-open fish to the plank, skin side next to the wood. You can use all-metal thumbtacks for this. Don’t use painted or plastic-covered fasteners. Be careful, Cedar splits very easily.
In your BBQ pit, build a charcoal fire to one side only.
When the coals are all ash-white, put the plank in the opposite end of the pit, and use a brick or two to make it stand up vertical.
When the fish begins to flake off into the pit, remove the plank.
Remove the Lake Whitefish from the plank.
Have your salad, your bread and your wine ready (I suggest a Pinot Grigio or Fume Blanc).
Now, remove the fish from the plank, and set aside.
Cut the plank into serving pieces. It will be delicious!
You should have seen this coming! Lake Whitefish hasn’t been fit to eat for 25 years!
Now that you just wasted 5 minutes reading this, let it be a lesson and get your recipes from a cookbook, not the comment section of a Neanderthal blogger and his Curmudgeon commenters!
BTW, after you have eaten the plank, feed the Whitefish to a cat you don’t like.
In the south they call it Shad Planking. Yeah, seen it coming.
An army buddy of mine had the quickest chicken recipe of all time, dunno if it was edible though:
Ingredients.
1 Chicken, live, frozen or whatever…
1 pack Ratpack cuppasoup
1 tomato
1 onion
1 thunderflash
Place ingredients minus thunderflash under a “staaldak”(SA army slang for helmet) holding helmet down if chicken is still flapping it’s wings…
Light thunderflash and pop under helmet, stand on helmet until thunderflash detonates…
Once the smoke has cleared you can serve what is plastered inside the helmet to whomever is the hungriest…