Neanderpundit

you don’t want any of this on you

To the Illinois Toll Authority:

Look, you fucktards.

It’s bad enough that you have your theiving hands in our pockets several times every day.
It’s bad enough that you force everyone to use roads that are so sub par that I wear out several sets of $500 tires every year.

It’s bad enough that you consistently start unnecesary construction projects so you can justify keeping your worthless asses employed rather than merely fixing existing roads and paying off the bond issue.
It’s MORE than bad enough that the fly by night scumbag construction companies you hire are now engaged in wasting even more money KILLING people, requiring the loss of hundreds of thousands of dollars in bridge girders that had to be sliced up and tossed out to extricate one guy.

It’s bad enough that you have already disrupted traffic flow to the point where my commute, which should take less than an hour, now takes a minimum of 100 minutes.

This is the last fucking straw.
Now you have decided that because some of the tollbooths don’t have “high speed Ipass” you are NOW TEARING UP TOLLBOOTHS YOU FINISHED REBUILDING ONLY LAST YEAR.

Here is where I have to say to Atheists like the Du Toits, you guys are missing out.

The comfort of knowing that there is a creator of the universe, and knowing that these assgaskets will suffer in hell for all eternity, is the solitary concept that keeps me from showing up at the offices of the Toll Authority with an AK.

Sitting in traffic, waiting for some cocksocket to move 23,000 road cones so eight cars can go through the additional lane they deign to open, it’s comforting to know that the man who planned this will be spending eternity shovelling hotpatch into holes on the highways of hell, while the armies of darkness scrape fresh gouges in them second by second. It’s comforting to think of the middle management paper pushers who orchestrate this nastiness dancing in traffic in hell, while the hellish chariots of laughing demons aim for them at ludicrous speed. It’s comforting to know that every moment spent waiting for the tollways to be clear again will be paid off in the afterlife tenfold, watching the morons responsible being dragged behind the four horsemen by meathooks driven through their pubic bones.

Lissenup, assholes: your greed and stupidity is boundless. I am impressed by the hubris, which is of proportions that can only be described as biblical. I got a word you need to learn: Schadenfreude. Just you wait, you cocksuckers.

In the late 70’s, as I was finishing highschool, I kept an old harley sportster for a friend. It stayed on it’s side in a swampy spot full of high weeds in my backyard, because I’d be in heavy shit if the old man found out i had a cycle. I rode it once in a while, usually late at night after dad had gone to work and mom was asleep, because a: I didn’t have a license, B: neither did the cycle, and c: I had no idea what i was doing. None. At all. In fact, the only times I was able to muster the guts to try, I was pretty liquored up and oftener than not, laid it down trying to turn. Since that time I have never even considered owning a motorcycle, and the near-misses I got into with the Harley (which I later discovered had been stolen in the first place) convinced me that I had neither the skills nor the inclination

I have thought how nice looking some of the old Moto-Guzzi bikes were, and thought one of them would be nice to own, and I also really liked the looks of the elder Triumphs. Nice enough, I thought, that I’d buy one and let it sit, because I wasn’t going to learn to ride on a damned classic bike, if I could help it. So, that pretty much left those out of the question.

So a couple of weeks ago, I am out wandering around, looking at garage sales ( I love a garage sale for the glimpse into the lives of the people selling. ) Anyway, I stop in at a garage where I see a dozen carboys for sale, and because I’m trying to get back to making wines, I stop and look. The prerequisite red/white/blue flags are tied to the peak of the garage and the handlebars of a motorcycle with a sign “$2500” on the headlight.

The carboys turn out to be plastic, and I’m looking for glass, so i’m heading back to the car, and I take another glance at the motorcycle.
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courtesy of Kim du Toit by way of Bob K

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