Neanderpundit

I sailed away to china- No! That was in the 70’s80’s.

I dreampt that I had had an accident, and the accident had left me disabled, but that a team of talented surgeons had managed to put me back right, with the exception that I was now dangerously good at Golf.

Tiger woods was the only person who could even pretend to play at my level, and we played 36 holes a day talking about types of grass and rough and other stuff I still don’t understand. I seemed to be having a good time.

“The trick” tiger told me “is to choose relatively plain women. They’re unfailingly grateful to have the attention of a celebrity, and it doesn’t make any difference what you look like, or what you ask for, they’ll do it, and do it gladly”

My disgust overflowed like cheap wine poured by a talentless waiter.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it” continued mr woods, “You haven’t lived until you’ve had women who will call ahead for you and recruit other women for you in the next town”.

If this ever happens to me, please, god, please, as my friends, I want someone to put a bullet in my head. Or Billy Baroo my brain-pan clean off my shoulders.

Sometimes you’re the frog.

Not safe for work. hell, I wouldn’t watch it at home, either. In fact, don’t click on the link, period. Forget I said anything at all.

My only hope is that there isn’t a video of a vervet monkey doing this.

UPDATE: From my old friend and Confidant mlle Jenny: “I guess he couldn’t find a football”

I was afflicted, for many years, with what can only be referred to as Rover Fever.

My 1967 Land Rover series vehicle was the love of my automotive life for many years, though she spent most of her time in the yard acting as an extra garden shed.

There are some things you should know if you have any intention to buy or drive a Land Rover.

Don’t.

No, just don’t. The newer Discos or Freelanders are money pits when used, and not much better when new. The parts are expensive, the engineering is laughable, the breakdown is frequent, the clusterfucks abound. Don’t get me STARTED on the steering.

My 109 series rover was a “real” rover, it had a tire on the bonnet. it had the suspension of a truck. What else? everything leaked, things broke easily, it often had electrical fires, the steering was as useful in guiding the thing down the road as divining, and the noise the straight gears made obviated the need for any kind of radio. I have had more pleseant driving experiences bungee corded to the top of a bus in the rain.

Repairing a broken axle invariably occurred in the mud, the brakes made subtle but poignant efforts at dragging the vehicle to some semblance of “stationary” and the gearshifts- there were five such devices- took some getting used to.

I miss mine. I miss the way hitting a bump felt like having a stevedore hit you in the small of the back with a spade. I miss the smell of the battery lead burning off it’s insulation for the umpteenth time, I miss the smell of the engine baking the tire on the hood right in front of the only vents.

I don’t miss it badly enough to get another one, though.

If you’re looking at a Disco or a Freelander or god forbid a Range Rover, get a damned jeep. The parts are cheaper, and it will last longer and run better. The momentary pleasure you’ll have in pride of ownership will be eclipsed the first time it strands you along the road, which will be on the way home from the dealership.

yes, the Rover is a serious 4wd vehicle, and yes, they do offroad like few other things, but if you’re really serious about 4wd get a G wagon, the cachet is better, and the vehicle is nicer, and might actually run for ten miles without major repairs.

Still, theres something about the romance of a real Land Rover that makes them a hoot to drive.