I sailed away to china- No! That was in the 70’s80’s.

I dreampt that I had had an accident, and the accident had left me disabled, but that a team of talented surgeons had managed to put me back right, with the exception that I was now dangerously good at Golf.

Tiger woods was the only person who could even pretend to play at my level, and we played 36 holes a day talking about types of grass and rough and other stuff I still don’t understand. I seemed to be having a good time.

“The trick” tiger told me “is to choose relatively plain women. They’re unfailingly grateful to have the attention of a celebrity, and it doesn’t make any difference what you look like, or what you ask for, they’ll do it, and do it gladly”

My disgust overflowed like cheap wine poured by a talentless waiter.

“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it” continued mr woods, “You haven’t lived until you’ve had women who will call ahead for you and recruit other women for you in the next town”.

If this ever happens to me, please, god, please, as my friends, I want someone to put a bullet in my head. Or Billy Baroo my brain-pan clean off my shoulders.