Neanderpundit

Today, as you drag your trash cans to the curb, think of the shit you saved in the basement all winter. The exercycle. THe trreadmill. You were NEVER going to use them. What were you thinking? Think about the woman in Penny’s that was wearing a size four swimsuit pulled over her size nine body. She looked like a sausage escaping from it’s casing. What was she thinking? Think about the moron in the new Caddilac crossover vehicle that pulled out in front of you, nearly caused a wreck,and fucked up the flow of traffic for six miles, and wasn’t even being distracted by the cellphone as she did it! What was the guy thinking who gave HER an operator’s license?

Now: think about Barack Obama. A smooth talking viper, a wolf in sheep’s clothing. A pure socialist, without a redeeming quality of any kind. God could have carved a better man out of a bananna. What was he thinking? I know what he was thinking, The Lord thought he’d send a moron so scary that thinking people would vote for a yaller dog rather than have this man in any higher office than he holds. If this man ever sits in the oval office, god save us; no greater threat to liberty will ever exist. And any of you who stayed home last november to “send a lesson”? WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Slap yourself silly. Take out the garbage, get your ass to work.

My nephew and godson has grown to be a man. A large man, mind you, but a man nonetheless. He’s a huge help to me around the house, and on car projects, and in all, as good a godson as you might ask for. He has but one trouble: He is in the way. Wherever you go, there he is. Tonight, at dinner with Parter and mom, just before my midwinter’s haircut, partner labelled the phenomena:

The Epicenter of Inconvenience.

Yes, some are drawn to the Epicenter of Inconvenience like tornadoes to a trailer park, and hover there like a swarm of pecker gnats in the air above your mojito. THe nephew is one such.

THis sunday, while everyone is watching the big game, I could sit and watch, and no matter what happens, It’s a win-win. If the bears win, “hey, they’re alocal team”. If the Colts win, “Hey, they’re hoosiers, just like me!” SO I cannot lose.

On the other hand, fuck football. I’m gonna watch the Puppy Bowl.