Monkeys could bite your face off.

I have tons of friends I help to work on their cars, when I can. Ed and I have had several auto repair parties in season, and I look forward to more. My optometrist will drop off his car and leave me the keys. My optometrist’s son has done the same.

I have worked on rides for the wife’s bosses, co-workers, even more or less casual acquaintences. I do not mind one bit. Last winter I helped a co-worker rebuild a 911 turbo engine, quite the ordeal.

I have a friend who lives out east, and he has about five cars. I know he’s carrying notes on two of them. he has an old Saab, sitting in the weeds behind the house. He has a BMW 2002, rusting next to the saab. he has a Porsche 924 and a 914 and a Citroen.

He’s a middling driver, I wouldn’t hire him to drive a race car but he’s acceptable, even if only by my standards. He has all these cars because they break down and rather than getting them fixed – “I can’t afford that! It’s too expensive! they make the parts too expensive and all the shops rip you off!” he won’t fix them himself- he considers himself a driver and actually turning a wrench himself he considers below him. “You don’t see Michael Schumacher wrenching on his car!” I do hate to tell him he’s not Michael Schumacher.

he says “Man, I wish you lived closer so you could fix these cars and I could drive them again”.

Somehow turning a wrench is below him, but above me. Somehow I am expected to fix his shit for free while he considers that work “Alright for the likes of you”.

And he still doesn’t get it. “Why don’t you get a WRX or something that is more durable and reliable?” “Well, you wouldn’t understand because you don’t do the kind of driving I do. You can’t, really, in a truck” Because I have never driven a BMW around a track, or a Saab, or a WRX, or taken an Audi through a ralley stage. Yep, that’s me.

Dumbass. if you are going to buy and drive the more expensive sports cars “because they’re really better in ways you can’t understand” and you don’t have the resources to have them properly maintained or the will and skill to DIY, then go fuck yourself. I got no use for you. I would never say that to him, though the thought of hopping on a plane with a screwdriver, C clamp, and 12mm wrench and doing a brake job on the Saab (he says that’s all it needs) and then giving the keys to someone who will take care of it appeals to me.

A properly maintained motor vehicle will take good care of you. Waiting until it fails to look at it and see what’s going on/going wrong with it will bite you- hard- and you deserve it.