Care and feeding of the motor vehicle, for the new driver
Lots of people will tell you lots of shit about your driving, and I’m not one of them. You’ll figure those things out for yourself soon enough.
This is about your car. You got it, now you need to take care of it- and it’s not at all hard. Just a few simple rules.
Every time you drive the car:
Look at all four tires. You don’t have to check the pressure, just look, to make sure they’re there, and more or less inflated.
Look at the outside of the car. Make sure nobody has hit the damned thing.
Look at the glass, check for breakage.
Once a week: check all the fluids. Water, oil, trans, brake, windshield washer.
Once a month, (at least!) wash the car and check for rust or pits. These can be fixed if caught early. Check the air filter.
Change oil at regular intervals. Change trans fluid at the appropriate intervals. Change the air filter whan it gets dirty. And read this:
Once a month, you should drive it off a nasty fucking offset, five foot ledge. Once you made it to the bottom without rolling over, or ripping a fender off, turn around, and go back up the ledge.
Wait, sorry…. That’s my owner’s manual.
Just remember, it ain’t body damage if there’s still a recognizable fender left.
Dick, I want to party with you. I haven’t been rocking in ages
Check the armor for cracks or bare spots where a stray round could penetrate. Repair as needed. Make sure ammunition is topped off and machine guns are clean, oiled, and the barrels free from obstructions. Fill the oil slick generator, make sure the wheel hub swords are sharp and unbent. Run missile targeting computer through diagnostic check. Keep tap clean and replace shock absorbers on the keg system in the back every 50,000 miles so your beer doesn’t get foamy or skunky tasting.
Oh, sorry, that’s the owners manual I WISH my vehicle had :)