Special mad skilz
Today, I demonstrated my skills to the girl at the gas station
“Damned thing just won’t scan” as she swipes my egg sandwich over and over again
“I have that skill, that gift. I can find the one useless barcode in the store”
“But it looks fine! Why won’t it scan?”
“because I have skills. Fear me”
Usually, that skill is devoted to finding the one package of Stayfree Maxi Pads which won’t scan at Jewel “Can I get a price on some Maxi’s for the big guy with a beard? ”
What mad skillz do you have?
20 comments Og | Uncategorized
I have the mad skillz of attracting dozens and dozens of brand new, never-before-seen clients to my bank…..on any day the computer network drops and transactions can’t be initiated.
Hah! That’s a good one!
No matter how I drive, the traffic lights always change to red just as I get to them.
I am a superior wannabe toughguy magnet.
I think it’s because I laugh at them.
I have the ability to make it snow or rain everywhere I go. When I was in Oman (in an area that supposedly hadn’t seen rain for decades) it rained, twice. When I was stationed in Abilene, it snowed every year until I left. Global warming? Naah, Just me moving.
I have the ability to cause any electronical device to have a malfunction simply by touching it.
The fact that this computer hasn’t shorted out yet is due to the fact that we have some awsome IT guys.
I have the ability to unerringly get in line behind the guy who grabs the non-functional UPC’s.
Gee. I always put this kind of thing down to my own scatterbrainedness — -ossity, -ousedness. Whatever.
Like very carefully writing down a list of everything I need to take, or buy, on a day’s errands, then realizing there’s something downstairs I want, and finally rushing out the door only to realize, about the time I get to the first (and most-distant) of my errand stops that…
I forgot my list. So I’m winging it.
And in the points for style department, I will almost invariably have conceived the entire expedition for a single purpose. All of the other stuff has been added on like porkbarrel earmarks on an appropriations bill in Congress. And, just like Congress, I’ll forget the real initial reason I went out there in the first place.
And the little redhead that lives in my brain is rolling on the floor laughing her ass off.
M
I make comments at blogs that I regret later.
More, you leave good comments. Sometimes people misunderstand, but in the end, you come through all right, and you’re a no shit guy. You’re always welcome to comment here.
More always leaves great shit on my porch.
I attract freaks.
Broad, you do seem to attract ’em like a tornado to a trailer park. I sure don’t get it.
Broad – maybe we’re twins – I’m a weirdo magnet, too.
BobG and Wrench had me OTF, lol. Is it me, or does Mark Alger have mad skillz in writing?
Aw, gee, Sam. Gawrsh. Thanks! (Uh-hyuck!) ::toe in the sand::
(Gee, Alger! You don’t think he’s being sarcastic, do ya?)
Wull… no. Why would I think THAT!
M
I used to have the ability to attract the neediest people on the planet. I guess I finally finished paying back that karmaic debt.
I am one of the only two men I know who can manage to go into the bathroom with an electric razor and come out with a gashed, nicked, and otherwise abraded face five minutes later.
The other would happen to be my father, oddly enough… Funny, that.
When I was single, I was the wingman everyone wanted. Why? Because the success of The Other Guy was near 100%. It may have been a confluence of other events, but damn near everyone who hung out with me thought I had the Touch.
Course I was usualy stuck with “friend” who was either esthetically challenged or married or simetimes both.
OK, I don’t usually comment on a post this late, but I couldn’t resist.
By merely stepping into a line – any line – I reduce the line server – be it a cashier, customer service rep, or automated gasoline pump – to something with an IQ, dexterity, and work ethic of the typical garden slug. If I leave that line and enter another one, the server of the original line immediately resumes normal human attributes and the server of the new line turns into the afore-mentioned domestic mollusc.