I just spent the weekend doing just that, so I thought I’d channel Norm Abrams and explain the process in detail. No, I don’t mean bob vila, that asshole never could swing a hammer, he was just the pretty face that PBS put on the series.

Anyway, first, to install a new door, you must buy a new door. This is fairly simple, you go to the lumberyard, and buy a door.

Now, it helps to know the size of the door you intend to buy, so it’s a good idea to measure it. Mine was 16′ wide by 7′ tall.

I bought the door last september. I had the money, and wanted to have the door bought and paid for, but didn’t have the space to store it. I also wanted to replace the beam, or at least improve the sag in the existing beam, so I ordered an 18′ LVL. (Laminated Veneer Lumber)

I WANTED to do this job two weeks ago, to have the garage nice in prep for a visit from the outlaws. Pitiably, the LVL hadn’t arrived yet.

So, last week, when the lumberyard called me to let me know that the LVL had in fact made it’s appearance, I made plans to redo the door this weekend. Friday night, I called the yard in question to let them know to pick the order, which I’d be in on saturday to pick up.

Saturday Morning, I appeared at the lumberyard on schedule, and attempted to retrieve my purchases.

The entire business had no idea what was going on, and while they managed to get my door in less than an hour, it took nearly two to discover that my LVL was nowhere to be found.

This basically fucks me, since without that critical piece of lumber I was not going to be able to even begin my project.

Fortunately, the desk manager had his head out of his ass, made a phone call, and got me an LVL, at another lumberyard. I managed to get the boys at the first lumberyard to load the door on top of my pop-up camper (you sure that camper’s gonna hold that door? Yes, I’m sure)I drove home with my garage door, unloaded it, and drove off to get the beam. (You sure that camper’s gonna hold that beam? Yes, I’m SURE!)

On arriving at home, I had a bit of demolition to do. The old garage door had been firefodder when we moved to Chez og, and frankly, it had been patched together more often than was practical. I think for the last month I had been praying under my breath each time I pushed the button, hoping that this would NOT be the day the whole works came crashing down on the Ogmobiles.

There were also some jamb items that were rotting and in need of repair, as well as at least one section of wall that would need some serious tuckpointing.

I opened the old door for the very last time, disconnected the door opener, and removed the wires holding the spring in place. Then I got the hell out of the way.

The door came down with incredible force, nearly ripping itself off. A couple of hours later, and I had it all apart and in a pile in the yard.

With some help from the wife, I got all the new panels in on sawhorses in the garage, and set aside the hardware I needed.

I proceeded to jack up and rip ouit the old jamb sides, and then tuckpoint, and reinstall side jambs. The tuckpointing is great- you get to abrade the skin off your hands while removing all the natural oil from your skin at the same time. Several rusted bolts had to be replaced as well, and by the time I finished I had manged to get mortar in my eyes, hair, and underwear. Don’t ask. That took a good deal of Saturday. Towards the end of the day, I arrived at the point where you actually install the door panels, and I managed to get that done before darkness fell.

By the time I lay me down to sleep, I felt beat. Having wrangled all that material around, I was tore down. In the morning, it took at least a half hour more than the normal amount of time for me to get rolling.

Today I fiddled with brackets and hangers and adapters, but the tricky bit was getting the springs set up and tensioned. Quite the tricky design, that, the coiled torsion springs. Still: I managed to get it up without killing myself, so that’s all good.

As for the rest of the information, well read and follow the instructions that came with your door, dammit. You expect me to do everything?