I’m napping after getting home, waiting for dinner to be ready, and the dog comes in, nuzzles into my armpit, and rests his head on my shoulder. I can feel his breath against my cheek, and as I drift off almost to sleep, the dog makes the special preparedness to nap sound: Breathe, breathe, Breathe, SIGHHHHH…

So I nap.

And the daughter walks in the door.

And the dog goes from full-blown napping to “BROWWWWW!” in 0.08 seconds. IN my ear. Without even lifting his head.

Them select comfort matresses hurt when you clench your buttcheeks around ’em.

I think I got all of it out. Still itches a little.