When I had my surgery, I was concerned about three things:

1: Would I be able to eat steak?I’d heard stories about people not being able to eat steak. I made up my mind that I would be able to eat steak if i had to chew it and spit it out. Good news: I can eat all the steak I can find.

2: Would I be able to have a really good crap? I mean, I’m eating a LOT less food, so would I be able to take really epic-quality shits? I don’t have them every day, but yes, I can still fill a bowl with the best of them

3: Can I belch? Belching and farting are every man’s hobby. Sure, we try to act civilized when the women are around, but when we’re alone, we belch and fart, and bitch at each other about how horrid it is. We’re men, get over it.

Good news, not only can I belch, but the new shape of my stomach makes it possible for me to belch the most drawn out, long, loud, two-tone belches, as the belch comes from the lower stomach chamber into the upper, and then out.

I’m so proud to be here.