Okay, enough seriousness.
Last weekend the wife cooked a huge ham, complete with large bone, which Mom then took and made into bean soup. Now, I’m a huge fan of bean soup, but homemade bean soup, with the bone of an enormous ham, it’s divine.
Consequently, I am a toxic waste dump. Things have been coming out of me that shouldn’t exit a living creature. I have had to install a fan in the Cubicle of Og. My cube neighbors are threatening revolt. I am, in a word, revolting.
Man, it’s a beautiful thing. If there is anything more satisfying than a loud, dry fart, it is if that fart is noxious in the extreme, making the atmosphere in your immediate vicinity unbearable to civilized humans.
My uncle Calvin, God Rest His Soul, once released a particularly loud (and long lasting) fart on a walk in his grape arbors. The tone was pure and had great duration. On ending, he said “a man can fart like that, can’t be too much wrong with him”
At this point in my life, I can understand his meaning; anytime you get gas and not lumps, anytime there aren’t smoke rings or bacon strips in the BVD’s, you’re OK.
TMI? Maybe. Still: If you don’t know this simple truth, trust me, someday you will.
Og – that’s a good one. I made a big pot of bean soup myself a couple of weeks ago. I fluttered the sheets for about three days after that. I just posted a similar story at The Boiling Point. Go check it out.
Wow. Thanks for the laugh!
(wipes tear from eye)
-Dix
man, turkey and cranberry farts are awesome!
Of course, nothing beats a couple of bowls of hot Texax chili, with nachos on the side. as the ole philosopher once said, “Better to light one fart than to curse the darkness.”
Hi.
What “lights my candle” is garlic, especially eating a whole bulb of roasted garlic. It is SO good, but makes me poot-powered for about two days.
Dale
I like it when someone around you says, “Do you smell food,” or the joyous anticipation after leaving some wafting fumes for someone to come upon in the aisle of a store, me having hurried out of sight.
My geatest victory, however, came when I was in the on-call room of a one story Hospital, ripping them off like there was no tomorrow. Suddenly the door burst open and 4 maintenance men charged in, and into the bathroom. They had assumed the odor, strong in the Hospital halls,was coming from a plugged sewer stack, and had traced the odor to my room, where they thought the stack must be leaking. They left knowing that, the risk for explosion had passed, not saying anything but giving me incredulous stares.
Used to work with a fella (thank god he had his own completely enclosed workspace) many years back named Jim. Jim never had many visitors to his little work space, and SBD’s were the rule not the exception. He was sooo bad that on occasion his *bouquet* would rise over the 12 ft high brick wall and back down again (past the false ceiling) to the Division Chiefs office…it was a sight to behold when old salts would come gasping and gaging out of their office and racing outside for some fresh air. We also kept him away from open flames.