Rock bottom
In 1987, my ex filed for divorce. I got fired from my job at a printer. I wasn’t making enough to live on my own, because I had strayed from my real purpose and calling in life, so I wasn’t succeeding. I had bills and problems, a $75 car, and not much in the way of prospects. Then the head gasket on my $75 car failed. And I didn’t even have the $18 a new head gasket would cost. I thought shit couldn’t possibly get any worse, and then Dad died.
I remember sitting in the basement of the house I was going to be vacating soon, and thinking, I wonder if I’ll feel the bullet leave the muzzle? Will it be a strong sensation, or just a loud noise and then nothing? THe muzzle of the 380 was cool and salty in my mouth.
Frankly, the only thing that kept me from pulling the trigger was knowing my soon-to-be ex wouldn’t lift a finger to clean the mess, that my mom would be stuck with the job of cleaning my brains and skull off the inside of the basement staircase.
We all have down moments. I’ve had some bad ones. And I came out the other side, with the help of some very good friends and decent human beings.
Two very decent people and their children are having some serious troubles now. Go, read, and do anything you can, even if it’s only keeping them in your prayers. if all you have to give is prayer, prayer helps.
Og, I’m glad you took the correct decision. One good thing: most likely, you’ll never consider it again.
A few years ago, things got shitty (divorce, deaths of a couple of folks close to me, etc) and I thought the same way. I got to where I made myself give myself a GOOD reason, not just an excuse, to NOT shoot myself. I had to do so before I got out of bed: otherwise, the GP100 under the mattress would take care of things.
I had enough reasons for long enough, then it got to the point where I could see that living might be worth it. One thing I know: NOTHING can ever get me that low again. I have faced down the beast (named self-pity?)within.
I still have the GP100, but it won’t be pointing toward me.
Budd, you’re exactly right. You have to come to that place and make that turn, to decide you don’t want to go ever again
Og, I firmly believe that what did not kill you will only make you stronger. You will never let a situation like that(not that you will let it happen, but you never know whats coming next)get you down again. I lost my first wife in 97 to heart problems, she was my best friend as well as a loving wife. I was useless for a year. Then I decided that she would want me to go on with life and started dating again, not easy for someone that had been happily married for 15 years. Got lucky again and found one that will put up with my shit. Never got close to eating the pistol but I did think about it and like you, my good friends and family kept me going until I could get all my shit back in one sock. Never forget your real friends. Sometimes they are all thats between you and deaths door.
You’re a good man, Og, if a bit rough around the edges.
Now the rest of you – go read the link and give a bit back.
Og,
Idiot ex or a family member is posting nasty comments at sites that linked to us, so if you see a nasty comment from netblock 24.64.0.0 to 24.71.255.255 it might be him. Just a heads up.
Thankee, Mrs Byrne. I’ll keep a weather eye out.