Anyone who has met me knows I wear black, most of the time. No, I’m not some freaky ninja wannabe, nor do I try to emulate Johnny Cash. (though one could do worse) I wear black predominantly because I’m hip deep in life most of the time, often headfirst. I’m always working on something and the black helps hide the stains of my travails.

There are drawbacks. It’s not a good idea to wear black in winter (black is a warm weather survival color, it dissipates heat too quickly in cold) so I get cold easily.

But the worst is the crappers.

Most public crappers have photosensors. You stand, the sensor sees that you’re gone, and flushes.

Escept with black shirts. With a black shirt, the sensor doesn’t work in retro-reflective mode, it sees a blockage, and then any motion or reflected light causes the flush.

So about every time I use the crapper in a public spot- like an airport- I have to be real careful lest the boys are a dangling and I lean forward a bit, the crapper flushes prematurely, my backside is treated to a fine spray of asswater, and if I don’t catch it in time, the boys get dunked.

I have found that some have timers- they won’t let them reflush right away if you manually flush- but that doesn’t always give you enough time. And I already detest touching anything in a public john as it is.

Maybe I should hang an ass gasket over my back as I sit down.