Caught hushed whispers in the patient irritating area about the balzac. (“Did you see that?” “How does he keep it from chafing?”) When I went to slip into my drawers I discovered the package had been spread out on one leg like a birds wing. If I see pictures on the internet I won’t be surprised.

Nurse was hotter once I got my damned glasses.

The preop info has me jamming this bacitracin up my nose twice daily. Seems dumb as a bag of hammers to me. I asked them if I should rub some cottage cheese on the wife’s elbow, if that would help- or put some gravy on the dog.

Means I can’t smell a damned thing. And they made me shower with this damned antibacterial soap that makes me smell like pee, according to the ogwife. So I didn’t make much of an impression on the hot nurse who was arranging my hairy balzac for it’s internet debut. Allegedly.

Still wanted to drive home. Mom took me, sat with me. I could have driven tons better than all the other tards out there, even in a vicodin haze.