When I was about ten, I started developing a bond with Dad. It was, at the time, tenuous, and later, just being a teenager put it under a lot of strain. Still, it was there.

What I mean by bond, is, we could work together. It’s a difficult thing to find someone you can work with, but we could. He would be armpit deep in an engine compartment, I’d be standing beside him, and suddenly I’d get the urge to go get a 9/16″ box wrench. I’d come back with it and hand it to him, just as he was about to ask for it.

Now, this seems just like a lot of bullshit, but let me tell you, it got good. Eventually, I could sense that he wanted the 12″ crescent wrench with the jaws ground thin on one side, or the channelocks with the slightly loose joint, or the big vice-grips with the left side teeth filed flat. He also had the same link with me. More than once, working on my car in the driveway in Highland, he’d show up (from Cedar Lake, 15 miles away) with the long 3/8″extension and the small oil filter wrench, or whatever it was I was wishing I had at the time. On a dozen occasions, I stopped on my way back to Mom & Dad’s place and got a pack of Luckys (his brand) and handed him the pack just as he crumpled and threw out the old one.

The bond got to the point where I could feel it. I mean, it became a sort of a tangible thing. An extremity, like an extra set of fingers. Laugh if you like, I could feel it, Dad could feel it too.

When Dad died, that feeling stayed. In fact, it was hard to deal with Dad being gone, because of the part of Dad I carry with me all day, every day. It was hard to reconcile with him not being there. It still is, somedays.

These days, I feel that bond, stronger than ever. While Dad isn’t around to bring me wrenches or share a pipe of threestar, the connection is still strong, and when I’m weakest, he helps carry my load.

I pay him back the only way I can- when I wrap my arms around my child, I know he feels her arms around my neck.

This is one of the ways I’m pretty confident of the existence of the afterlife. The bond that transcends death. Thanks for staying with me, Dad. I need you as much as ever, and you are a strength to me like nobody can imagine.