Scumsucking pigdog RCOB weekend.
Okay, you fuckweasels, I’ve had ENOUGH!!! I PUT UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT ALL WEEKEND, and I’m DONE!
You- with the Camry- WHEN you backed your car out of the driveway YOU KNEW there was over a foot of snow on the ground. You drove as if the tires caused you actual pain when they slipped, you NEVER GOT THE VEHICLE OVER 8 MILES AN HOUR FOR SIX MILES. Do the math on that one, fuckhead. I HAD TO FOLLOW YOU for FORTY FIVE MINUTES. You STAYED in the MIDDLE OF TWO LANES so NOBODY COULD PULL AROUND YOU.
Here’s a little clue for you, OK? when there is a CLEAR ROAD ahead of you, DEVOID OF CARS, and there is a SIX MILE LINE OF CARS BEHIND YOU, you are a FUCKHEAD. You CANNOT DRIVE. you should SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT and SAVE US THE TROUBLE.
Oh, and Mister Geo Metro? YOU CHOSE TO DRIVE ON A DAY WHEN THE AVERAGE SNOW DRIFT IS TALLER THAN YOUR CAR. Your pathetic three cylinder MoonbatMobile is NOT GONNA MAKE IT to the HEALTH FOOD STORE! Pull off the SIDE of the ROAD and SMOKE THAT HEMP JACKET you’re wearing, and GET OUT OF EVERYONE”S WAY. Yes, you ARE going to get stuck JUST LIKE THAT every five minutes. You are NOT going to be able to negotiate the 12″ tall drifts because your TIRES arent that tall. Yes, you’ve had to be PUSHED OUT OF EVERY SNOWFLAKE you have encountered, and THAT’S NOT GOING TO CHANGE TILL SPRING. Stay HOME!!! You can PROBABLY survive intil spring on the “”KERRY EDWARDS” stickers if you peel them off every surface to which they are applied. FOAD!
Now, the amateurs: Yes, you know who the fuck you are. You have LIVED IN THIS CLIMATE FOR FIFTY FUCKING YEARS, YOU ASSHELMETS! You FORGET HOW TO DRIVE IN SNOW EVERY FUCKING WINTER. Take some Gingko Biloba and MOVE AWAY FROM ME, preferably at LEAST 900 miles.
Oh, and you. Mrs Lexus SUV. Let me clue you into something, OK? A Lexus is NOT an SUV. It’s a large chrome and plastic ego. You didn’t buy it because you needed an SUV, you bought it because you could. Bully for you! Before you take to the streets with that LeBehemoth, Learn to drive it. Four wheel drive does not mean immunity to the laws of physics. The REASON YOU ARE ON YOUR SIDE IN A DITCH is your OWN STUPIDITY. Pound sand. Next time put it over an embankment so you don’t survive to fuckup anyone else’s day.
All in all, it makes me wonder: WHY CAN’T I MOUNT AUTOMATIC WEAPONS ON MY TRUCK?
12 comments Og | Uncategorized
Tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard!
Great piece……..
ah-ha! I see you can rant with the best of us!
Um … I don’t get it. What are you trying to say here!?!?
Og, you CAN mount automatic weapons on your truck.
It is just frowned upon.
Very excellent rant, BTW.
Eschew the automatic weapons. Go for Stingers or rocket-propelled grenades. The impact is more satisfying, and they leave less detritus in the road.
Driving in the Snow
No, not me. Og, the Neanderpundit has a rant about the idiots who try to drive in the snow. If you don’t read it, you’ll miss one of the funniest rants of the month. Here is the closing line, All in all, it makes me wonder: WHY CAN’T I MOUNT AUTOMATIC …
>>WHY CAN’T I MOUNT AUTOMATIC WEAPONS ON MY TRUCK?
I ask that question every day.
Please to email me.
I’m sorry. Really, I am sorry. I’m one of those idiots that drives slow in snow even though I grew up in Colorado! =)
But Hey, I hear you on the SUV drivers. Idiots.
I saw the same thing on my road trip last month. I’m gonna mount a button on my dashboard and mark it “Rockets” or something.
I feel your pain, brother og.
Nigh unto four days now, I’ve had to deal with these mouthbreathers, and I’ve had to do it with one of the worst cars in snow known to man: The four-cylinder Honda Accord.
Oh, dear Lord on High, do not make the imbecile STOP on another hill, for my car be-eth too light and will not have the traction to go on.
Verily, smite those in F250s with plows that thinketh that they are immune from all traffic laws. They, being naughty in thine eyes, shall snuffit…
This reminds me of when I was going to work early one morning, about 4″ of fresh snow on the unplowed road, no one but me on the road, traveling in FWD at aprox 45 mph, and a fuck weasel in a station wagon pulls out in front of me, with out stopping, from a driveway about 50 feet in front of me. Foot on brake, lost of swearing, stop just short of his bumper. Wait to get to kill zone (passing area) and pass. Panic stop. View in rear view mirror is station wagon slowly spinning in my wake as he slames on his brakes, heading for ditch. Guess he can dish it out, but not take it. Procede on to work and feeling MUCH better.
BTW, I pass any car that stradles 2 lanes, love the look of terror as I fly buy. This is usually on the back roads on the way to and from work.
A Rant About Bad Drivers
Like many of you out there, I am impatient with drivers who exhibit a particular lack of common sense or actual driving skills. While these…