Weight Wise Guys
New weight loss plan
Having been around the weight loss merry go round forever, until I finally got off and had the lap band, I can empathise with all the folks who haven’t gotten that far.
So I have a new plan.
Weight Wise Guys.
Guy shows up at your house
“Hey, dere. T’anx for joinin da weight wise guys. I got dis here scale and I wants youse to have a step up on here please.”
“Oh, two-seventy. That’s fine. Youse really needed some of our help dere. Now I’m gonna come back here in a couple weeks with Vinny. See Vinny? yeah, he stays outside. He kinda has problems coming in through doors. In two weeks, we’s gonna step you up on dis here scale again, and if youse isn’t down to two sixty Vinny’s gonna hang on to your windpipe and I’m gonna break a couple of your fingers makin it more difficult for youse to eat so much, kapeesh? Now you got any ice cream in the house? Vinny likes rocky road special. Yeah, put some Bosco on it, if you got some. ”
I know better than I ought to say how the threat of torture will cause people to mortgage their homes and their children’s futures to pay gambling debts, imagine what an effective weight loss program it would be.
There was an episode once, on The Twilight Zone, I think it was…that a guy decided he wanted to quite smoking. So he asked his reformed smoker buddy how he quit smoking. The reformed smoker gave him a business card with and addy on it. The wanna quit smoking guy showed up…did a little hypnotherapy on him and guarenteed he would never smoke again. A few days later he told his wife it didn’t work…and lit up a smoke. The next day he was told to report to the same address. When he arrived, he found they had kidnapped his wife and placed her in a metal chamber. And started applying electical shocks to her , all because he had lit up again. So he vowed he would never smoke again if they would let her go. The did, but warned him, next time would be worse.
A few days later they had his buddy and his wife over for dinner. The, by then, very intimidated wannabe non smoker asked how HE did it. The buddy said , well it took him a couple of tries but he finally did it, and just looked down at his wifes hands, and she was missing two fingers.
Yeah, Vinny might work. LOLOLOL!
[…] Original post by Neanderpundit […]
JW is referring to the Stephen King short story “Quitters Incorporated” from the collection Night Shift. It was made into a film vignette with James Woods playing the lead.
It pretty much is as JW describes; the creepy part is that the hero actually benefits from the treatment; his health improves due to not smoking, and his relationship with his wife improves because his desire to protect her from being shocked again leads him to realize how much he loves her. So he forms a strange bond with the mobsters who run Quitters Inc., and King ends the story on a chilling note in which, having weaned him from cigarettes, the mobsters are going to then control his other bad habits, such as the weight gain that reformed smokers usually experience. The story ends with the mobsters basically in charge of his life, but he’s ok with it. Chilling.
[…] Over at Og’s place, he apparently has similar difficulties. Quite naturally, what with him also being of prodigious intellect, he comes up with a very good idea: In two weeks, we’s gonna step you up on dis here scale again, and if youse isn’t down to two sixty Vinny’s gonna hang on to your windpipe and I’m gonna break a couple of your fingers makin it more difficult for youse to eat so much, kapeesh? […]
I was gonna mention “Quitters, Inc.,” but I see Robert and JW beat me to it.
Ahhh…yes, Robert…thanks for jogging my old old ‘remember’ noggin!
I knew it was up there on the useless trivia shelf…but just couldn’t find where to locate it! ;-)
“…and King ends the story on a chilling note in which, having weaned him from cigarettes, the mobsters are going to then control his other bad habits, such as the weight gain that reformed smokers usually experience. The story ends with the mobsters basically in charge of his life, but he’s ok with it.”
Chilling indeed…that is what liberals are aspiring to now days, isn’t it? ‘Run my life for me and tell me what is best for me, please.’
*Shudders*