McCain,

Dick here. Listen up ya old fart. This is your absolute last chance to corner that communist and nail his ass to the wall in front of the world. No pressure or anything, but if you lose this election the United States as we know it is over.

I can imagine that you’ll be close enough, so would ya like to borrow my Kabar?

**Update**

The debate just started and McCain is proving himself to be nothing more than a doddering old fool compared to the Chosen One.

Goodnight Conservatism America. It’s been good knowing ya.