Junk Mail
It seems to come from everywhere and from everybody. Day after day; with nary a let up. From every known retailer, and wholesaler out there. From pool supply companies, which I always find a bit odd as we don’t have a pool and from Discover, I receive those checks. You know the ones I speak of. The little bundle of ten or so checks, bound together, beckoning you to spend your hard earned dollars.
From the warranty companies who are warning me I only have a few days left to act! And the insurance companies that want to make certain they take good care of Kelly and my son when I’m gone. Speaking of which, I won’t be purchasing that discount casket anytime soon, so why do those people insist on sending me stuff?
Lucky from them, I enjoy their junk mail, and I thank them for their effort, their hard earned dollars, and mountains of hard work. You see, I collect and keep the envelopes, special offers and deals I shouldn’t be able to refuse. And I use it to start fires, in my fireplace.
Thank you Discover Card. Your checks came in handy this morning when I was…
Kinda rough aren’t they?
To stiff for shitter paper. Now if you shred them first they work pretty good. Kind a hard to get a handful though.
Its nice they ‘keep the home fires burning’ for you.
I like to use the junk mailer’s pre-paid envelopes to send them other junk mailer’s offers.
I’m just a giver, I am.
I have a tube of expanded stainless steel mesh that I stuff with junk mail catalogs to make a fireplace log
urns nice and the mesh is reusable I feel so green and earth friendly when I do that
Dick, I used http://www.optoutprescreen.com/ a couple of years ago and I haven’t seen a preapproved credit card offer since.
Just in case the load gets kind of heavy.
Nathan,
Nice link, but what would I do for kindling?
I had a friend who took a piece of pipe and cut it lengthwise, put a crank handle on it. He would slip newspaper into the slot and turn the crank, eventually making a 4″ diameter log. He’d tie ’em up with baling wire, and he heated his damned house with the stuff. Old newspapers, junk mail, sales fliers. Cheap bastard. I want to be just like him when I grow up.
I have a neighbor who throws a chromium plated hissy fit when I burn my junk mail. So I just put it in her mailbox for her to deal with.
Gerry N.