I love a good porn flick just as much as the Priest and Rabbi sitting next to me, but I have a couple of issues with most of the crap being pumped out today.

1. Guys, don’t try hammer the chick like an out of control jackhammer, unless she asks you to do so.

2. Most chicks aren’t screamers, but on the other hand, a few still are.

3. Is anybody here a fan of anal sex? Occasionally is okay, but try not to make it a habit. Look, the sphincter is a muscle. Muscles can be trained, so to speak. If you end up having to wear Depends by the age of forty, don’t say I didn’t warn ya.

Yes Virginia, your asshole has just fallen out.

4. I am not a fan of inflated boobs. If you have em and I just offended you. Feel free to get even by not sleeping with me. Nothing is better that the natural curves of a beautiful woman, skinny or not so.

5. This thing about chicks injecting collagen, or maybe Crisco, what the fuck ever…, into their lips? That’s wrong in damn near every way imaginable. Stop it.

6. The guys who have that muscle above their penis cut, so it seems longer? Please, kill yourselves. That kind of shit is pitiful.

7. Guys, mow the lawn. You expect your woman to do it, so handle up on your own yard.

8. Would somebody please teach the porno sound engineer the fairly common art of dubbing?

9. Please don’t watch a cheesy ass porn flick and use it as your guide to eating pussy.

That’s it. I just felt like tossing out an opinion.