I had a girlfriend several years ago, who was everything you could want in a girlfriend.

You can just sense the “but” can’t you?

Yeah, there’s a big “but”, and no, it wasn’t her butt, THAT was to die for. The but was, she could never make up her mind. Hell, I wanted to marry her and I wanted her to have my children, but in three years she could never make up her mind what SHE wanted.

It was a pretty common thing, actually. She would decide we should see a play, and while standing in line at the box office, onloy a person or two from the head of the line, we’d break and go to a bar- then she’d sit in the bar and wonder if the play was any good. Sometimes we’d go to the airport expecting to fly to visit one of her family members in Idaho, and end up in Ocala Florida.

Eventually it got to the point that she began to contradict herself in single sentences. A classic: “I’m cold, would you roll down the window, I’m hot?”

I was speechless. What do you do?

Another perfect example: “Let’s just stay home tonight-we never go out and do anything together!”

I have been watching John Kerry flipflop on so many different issues, I expect that a single sentence total contradiction is not far away. I’ll paypal $10 to the first person who submits a verifiable quote where Kerry outright contradicts himself in a single sentence, (it must be a clear contradiction, not just an ironic turn of phrase) and $5 to the first person who submits a consecutive-sentence contradiction. This is a onetime offer which once completed won’t be repeated, I’m only going to spend $15 total!!!! If I gave out $5 for every contradiction I’d be in the poorhouse in a week.