Spent all day monday in front of a knee mill, and my feet and back are mute witness. Stopped around noon to get a bite, and went back to the mill.

Halfway into a cut I got the message.

There’s a one-holer close to where I’m working, but one of my co-workers has just gone in and locked the door behind him. I’m cranking the crossfeed at an even pace, trying not to let it chatter, and I wonder if the regular crapper is occupied. I have an inch and a half to go, I’m taking a .030 pass, 1″ wide. Can’t let it chatter, this is a mounting surface. Butt cheeks starting to clench. An inch to go. A few more seconds, please. I’m kegeling so hard my nutsack has turned inside out. A half inch. I have a turtle head sticking out. And it’s not as solid as I would prefer, as I had cornflakes for breakfast. Almost through, I crank the handle a wee bit faster until the cutterhead clears the workplace and I flip off the switch in a fluid motion and do the walk to the main crapper, silently cursing my co-worker for being in the close one.

I manage to get to the door praying that at least one stall is empty and they both are, the moment the door clears I start taking loose my belt and my pants are around my ankles as i stagger into the stall, and my drawers barely clear porcelean as i sat down.

I managed to avoid dunking the boys. I managed to avoid sitting in the stall without paper. I managed to entirely fill the bowl with the most putrid crap imaginable, with the consistency of oatmeal with toads floating in it.

And then one of the Big Guys walks in.

See, we’ve been purchased by a Big Company. Well, heavily invested in, anyway. And the Big Company has one of their minions in our facility at all times. He’s a tall Oriental man with impeccable taste and a snappy dresser. And he walked into an oggian cloud that may or may not be responsible for gloebull warmening AND acid rain. Hell, I could barely stand the smell. And the ventilation system in the mens room is an asthmatic blowing through a paper drinking straw. Our Overlord retched, and quickly left. I think he will probably use the bathroom at his apartment for a long time.