And the hunter, home from the hill.

-robert Louis Stevenson

” Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill.” Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann.

“when you have to shoot, shoot! don’t talk” -Tuco

Once upon a time I had a woman tell me she couldn’t believe I killed deer! Almost immediately afterwards, she gave me a great recipe for veal.

I always wondered if she thought the meat she bought at Jewel grew on those little styrofoam trays.

There is a disconnect between most people, and the food that they eat. And it is disturbing. I have always preferred having the minimum distance between myself and my food possible. I like to get my eggs from a colleague. I like to buy chickens from a local place. I like to buy beef from someone I know. I do not do these things because I think the food is better, though as often as not I do. I do not do these things because they are cheaper, because as often as not they are not. I do these things because I like to look into the eyes of the animals I will eventually eat. I like to get to know them, because I experience a certain sadness for the animal that gave it’s life that I might eat.

All the idiots that eat that animal without knowing it, insult the animal, for it’s flesh goes to feed an anonymous and uncaring consumer. This was always the reason for prayer over meals, to keep us connected both with the Creator and our meal.

Deer are a problem in Indiana to farmers and drivers, for there are few natural predators and extensive food sources. The population has to be culled so the herds stay healthy and strong, and that is the public benefit of hunting. The personal benefit of hunting,of course, is the acquisition of food.

This weekend, I experienced the additional benefit of the camaraderie of other hunters, fine people, true hearts. I met them after having been given a brief tour of the property by it’s owner; we sat and talked a while, prepped dinner, and then went afield.

I parked where It was suggested I park, and walked afield. I had not walked a hundred yards when I saw a buck pop it’s head out of the fencerow and run down the lane between the fencerow and the standing corn. I chambered a round and looked at him through the scope, and he was a fine buck. Four points, but heavy bodied and large. I’m not here for antlers, I’m here for food.

I touch the trigger and think, if there are as many deer here as our Host says, I may have many other shots at many other deer, possibly better than this one. On the gripping hand, though, I have never seen a deer in my crosshairs this close to the beginning of a hunt. And then I remember Tuco; its time to shoot.

“Lord, be thou not far from me”

and I squeeze the trigger. I’m looking for a high spine shot, it’s always been my best shot. it disconnects the central nervous system and drops the deer immediately. I have dropped the deer, and walk up, but I see that I have shot it’s left antler off, and it’s still stunned. It doesn’t die right away and I end up slitting it’s throat to expedite the process and end his suffering, which I can feel even now. It’s a reminder from the Creator that I need to be more vigilant and a better hunter and shot. I kept apologizing to the deer as I dragged it back to the truck (long drag. Man.) and dressed it, and got it into the truck. I will thank it as it gets butchered tomorrow, and for today, I just need some more sleep.

I’m amazed at the luck; the luck of having been asked to the dance, so to speak, by a landowner so generous and decent. The luck of having erudite and amusing companions skilled in the hunt. The luck of having an old farmhouse to stay in, safe and warm and clean, with the unmistakeable signs of having been occupied by generations of good people. The luck of having the time to hunt, and the equipment i need to get me there. Most of all the luck of having a decent deer walk in front of me, and stop, and provide me with a perfect shot.

None of this is my doing. All of these things came to me, unbidden, unearned, undreamed of. And everything came together. And tomorrow evening, a deer will grace my freezer, and I will eat him in upcoming months with my family. And so to my companions, thank you for sharing your time and your skills with me. To our benefactor, thank you for sharing your property and helping us all. And to the creator without whom none of this is possible, I am unworthy. Guide my heart and hand that I may deserve your generosity.