Dirtbong!
We have a rainbow vacuum cleaner. We have wood floors, so we tend to dust and mop, rather than vacuum, consequently it stays in the closet most of the time. I also use a shop vac to clean out the fireplace, which is the only good way to do it anyway.
The Rainbow is a decent vacuum cleaner, or so I’m told, but it has one significant bug/feature.
It doesn’t have a filter. it uses water to filter out the dust/etc in the air. This basically makes it a Dirtbong. The air gets sucked into the water and the water traps the dirt, and relatively clean air exits. This does a couple things: It doesn’t bog down when the water gets dirty, and the suction remains the same, and the water gets dirty with all the crap it cleans.
So you have a clean house, and a container full of the foulest shit you can possibly imagine. Now you have to dump this shit out. Figure out where to dump it out, and you don’t want to use your sink, or whatever, because the crap will clog your drain, you don’t want to flush it, for the same reason, so you have to sort of strain it and then deal with the strained crap.
So you strain it, and then you have a strainer full of pet hair, skin cells, house and street dust, dust mites, any parasites and crap that your pets may have brought into the house, and all other manner of filth. Now you have to figure out what to do with that.
This all came to my head because Partner’s nephew came and demo’ed a new Kirby vacuum cleaner- (Hell, everyone has to have a job, you know?) and i got to watch. He did a great job, and if I had the scratch to buy a wrestling jacket for a pissant I might well consider one of these machines- I have friends and family who have them, and they’re still made in the USA and apparently made very well.
Anyway. I have a Rainbow vac. And I’m gonna have it for a long time- without carpet, it’s unlikely to get used very much. And since I enjoy singing it’s theme song, I will continue to use it whenever a vacuum is indicated that will allow me to reclaim and examine every piece of filth in my home.
yes, theme song. Y’all didn’t know it, but I’m an accomplished parody song composer. Here’s the theme song for the Rainbow Vac, sung to the tune of ‘batman”
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Dirtbong!
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Dirtbong!
Dirtbong, Dirtbong, Dirtbong!
I sing it while I’m vacuuming with my Rainbow Vac- or as I call it, my Dirtbong.
19 comments Og | Uncategorized
We almost had a dirtbong. The babe had gotten a big promotion at work. I got on the phone and put together a little surprise soiree. Friends, family, wine, flowers, more wine. In the midst of the celebration, the doorbell rings and it’s the Rainbow Vacuum salesman. In her euphoria brought about by professional affirmation, and wine the Babe had forgotten about the appointment. He put on an admirable demonstration despite the hoopla. I felt bad for him. While attending to the grill out back, unbeknownst to me, a business deal was finalized. He left the vac and took a check. A big check. I called him, he returned and on his second trip out the door he left the check and took the vac. I felt bad for him. In the cold sobriety of mornings light, the Babe agreed I was right. We still laugh about it.
p.s. The Rainbow salesman gave up dirt sucking demos and became a contractor. We became friends.
I’ve used a dirbong since the early 70’s, and always flushed it down a toilet. Never once has it ever clogged.
But it sure does clean good.
Nice thing to say about the salesman, Steve.
You need to have a stainless-steel ego (or be a sociopath) to be a Door-to-Door Salesman.
Been there.
No shit.
I used to sell the Rainbow “system” back in the 70s as a second job.
We had a pretty good spiel, & the secondary goal (after selling the Rainbow, of course), was to return to the office with the customer’s old vacuum (to keep them safe from the “crud spreader” it was). Most of the time it was successful.
AND, cond10 is right: bullet-proof stainless steel.
Never heard of it before. Always been a fan of my wet vac, and a regular old vacuum cleaner.
You need to have a stainless-steel ego (or be a sociopath) to be a Door-to-Door Salesman.
My mom still tells the story about the time a couple vaccuum salesmen showed up on my dad’s birthday and simply would. Not. Leave. I was very young and don’t remember the particulars, but apparently it got so bad my dad loaded his .22 (which he kept unloaded in the back of the closet, per my mom’s wishes). It takes some kinda balls to camp in a family’s living room when there’s a half-eaten meal and a birthday cake on the table.
“It takes some kinda balls to camp in a family’s living room when there’s a half-eaten meal and a birthday cake on the table. ”
There’s good and bad with every occupation, Joanna.
Lawyers, Landlords, Politicians and Salesman: There is good and bad.
I’d like to think I was a thoughtful Salesman. Door to Door Sales is very tough. Even when you are thoughtful and courteous.
Truly.
Sheesh, try being a (in my case, Navy) military recruiter. Now that takes some serious grade pharmaceuticals to get through a tour of that sort. (still twitch about that)
And as Cond said above, there are good and bad in that line of work too.
Also in the market for a new vac over here. Just how much are those dirtbongs going for these days?
(*still twitch about that*)
Yep.
Long ago, when I was a callow youth, hunting employment, I spied an ad in the paper…SALES: AIR FILTRATION EQUIPMENT. In short, I applied, went thru orientation, and after giving five names of friends, for sales leads, was told it was a REXAIR RAINBOW, and not only filtered air, it was a vaccuum! I hightailed it out, not wanting to sell vaccuums…forward 6 years, hoisting a few with a returning vet, a friend’s older brother…discussing weird job stuff…HE mentions the RR, and the same name of the sales manager I met, years earlier (at least someone made a career of it!) After that, met a couple women who actually bought and used one. Said it was primo! Then, it was $1200+ (1972)
Another “my mom” story … once at a retail job, one of her young coworkers started talking about how a friend was pitching him to sell AmWay. Alarmed, my mother and another, older, coworker tried to talk him out of it. He finally got flustered and asked, “So where’s the easy money?”
To which they chorused, “THERE ISN’T ANY!”
Rexair! My God, we had one in about 1951, bought from a door-to-door salesman who convinced my parents that it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He had a demonstration unit that had a clear plastic water tank on the bottom. It was fascinating to watch the water get darker and darker as the thing picked up dirt from our rug. When our unit arrived it disappointingly did not have a clear plastic tank but rather a metal one. You couldn’t see the results until you took the top off. My mother used it for a number of years but found that it did not have very strong suction, so it was eventually junked.
Ever think of pouring it directly down a city sewer or rain gutter? It’s not like there’s some chemical in that mix, just what you described, so it should biodegrade if the storm sewer goes directly to the river.
Damn shame it’s $1500. That’s a bit spendy just to try and see how well it would work as a big party bong…
Just curious, what DOES a Kirby cost these days? My new bride bought one in 1967, right after we were married. I was a USAF Second Balloon, and made $303.50/mo base pay. IIRC, the Kirby was over $500 then. It was a good vac, but the seal between the cleanout door and the vac housing went away too fast, and then it put as much dust back into the room as it sucked up. Adhesive tape fixed it, though.
The Kirby had all sorts of neat accessories with it. You could turn it into a paint sprayer, a bench grinder, etc, etc.
All those accessories still exist, and if you buy the whole deal, it’s $2k. A rainbow with all the crap is probably $1500. I’d never have one except it’s an inheritance from the Ogwife’s father. Like I said, we rarely use it.
Eh. I use my $50 walmart specials until they die, then I buy a new one. Twice a year I rent a carpet steamer.
I’m a cheap bastard :)
” “So where’s the easy money?â€
To which they chorused, “THERE ISN’T ANY!†”
I did door-to-door sales to earn cash for college. I felt it would earn more money than what I could achieve sorting bolts and screws in a warehouse. I didn’t expect to make millions (or even tens of thousands), just more than the minimum.
At the time that I chose that occupation, I was unaware of non-physical costs. Physical fatigue? Bah! I can take alot. Besides, I was in my prime.
One thing is for certain, I learned great respect for door to door salesmen (anyone who had to do something called ‘cold calls’).
Here’s a story of a great man, who also happened to be a Car Salesman:
http://americandigest.org/mt-archives/heroes_hustlers/a_sharp_man.php
Very Inspirational.
I’ve never been able to sell anything. The last thing I sold was Ice Cream in High School (besides lids of pot) – but I didn’t really sell it, I just scooped it, it sold itself (same with the lids). Almost got a job while in college selling Kirby’s, but the whole thing didn’t add-up and I knew I couldn’t produce the numbers required given the hours in a day, and still be in school – it was like a pyramid scheme as far as I could tell.
All my real-work has been craft.