Overheard, at lunch:
From the two girls at the next table, talking rather loudly:
“I just have no way of knowing when Bob is interested in having sex! he NEVER tells me, I have to GUESS!”
Look.
No, wait, listen.
Men- healthy men, that is, who aren’t in need of major surgery or a major league check-up from the neck-up, are created by God with a switch, a single switch, and it has two positions: Interested in sex, and interested in sex. God flips the switch to “interested in sex” and then he rips off the knob.
We may not act like we’re interested. We are. We may seem too busy/tired/preoccupied for sex; we are not. I have personally had sex with an actively bleeding headwound, I know at least two men who had sex after being shot, one while having the bullet removed. This may seem like an exaggeration; trust me, it is not. We don’t care if your hair is up or not, we don’t care if you smell nice or have your nice underwear on. Those things are nice, but they’re like icing on a cake- like cupcake icing on a layer cake the size of a glacier. Hygeine only matters where certain acts are concerned.
If you show up at our office and offer an act of sexual congress we will take the time off, if we are surgeons in the middle of an operation. If you grab the equipment you will find that it springs to attention immediately, if your mere presence does not cause it to do so already. If under the most ridiculous circumstances you let your interest be known, we will avail ourself of the opportunity at our earliest convenience.
I’m sure I do not speak for all men here; just the normal ones. The abnormal ones are a special case, and should be kept out back under a net.
Salmon swim up bear infested rivers to get to the place where they will spawn, and they die afterwards. Salmon are pikers. Remember this, ladies. No matter what a man is, if you understand the switch, you can do some pretty amazing things.
11 comments Og | Uncategorized
“I just have no way of knowing when Bob is interested in having sex! he NEVER tells me, I have to GUESS!â€
Welcome to our world, ladies. Chalk up another victory to feminism…
lol
Thats real funny, Og. She obviously has not had much experience with men. That makes Bob doubly lucky.
Triply lucky that she works in the same building as him and doesn’t live 3000 freaking miles away (long story).
Sounds like she needs the ‘talk’ with a work ‘Dad’.
I don’t think you properly conveyed the innate, overpowering sex drive of an average Homosapien male.
I recently saw a magazine cover that had something like, “The proper way to touch a man sexually” I started laughing outloud. Touch??? Shit, a glance is all it takes and the Warp Drive is on maximum.
Yea…. of all the glances they can make, its that ‘come hither’ glance that is so hard to resist.
Why do men undercut and scheme to make a wad of money? To position themselves to bang the hottest chicks. The “need” for a sports car? Same. Fancy threads? Same. Go conquer the weaker country next door? Same. (Thinking of the line in Henry V where, to rally the troops, he asks if his English soldiers really want victorious French ones stealing their women). Shave and bathe? Same. Drive through a snowstorm to get to the gym to work out for three hours? Same. Lift a finger to do anything? Same.
Rule One. The gun is always loaded.
Rule Two. Never allow your muzzle to cross the path of the gun or it will surely go off.
Rule Three. A finger on the trigger is not necessary but it is appreciated.
Rule Four. Be sure of your target cuz we’ve always wanted to try that!
Fuck…
All they have to do is check and see if I have a pulse.
If not, climb on anyway. I might just come back to life.
BTW, this was lunch at Target. I do not want to know that much about any of my co workers
This is how it is.
og, if anything you are understating the male sex drive. See Woods, Tiger.
“At our earliest Convenience?” WTF?, over. Our earliest convenience is NOW!
This chick is terminally clue challenged and in serious need of a few words.
Sweetie, let me tell you, Ya don’ need to do no guessin’. Take a quick look at him. Is he breathing on his own? If the answer is yes, he is interested.
Hell, I’ve never seen you, I’m 65, probably at least 2000 miles away, and I’m interested. Do you see a pattern beginning to emerge here?
Gerry N.