Wolves!!!
Tam has a great post about wolves eating hippie sammiches.
Look, there are no predators living in Pennsylvania that prepare you for life in the northwestern wilderness. I camped there ONCE to go fishing, and I thought the guides were insane, but I followed their rules and had no trouble. These were the rules:
Never go anywhere except in a group
Everyone in the group is armed
sleep indoors.
As tempting as it was to sneak off and have a piss away from the group, there were bears where we were fishing. You didn’t even piss unless someone was arms length away.
Nobody was allowed to carry anything smaller than a 357 magnum, and that light a caliber was frowned on. The guides all had 44 mags. 45 acp was not allowed.
A tent, to a bear, is a fluffy calzone. A cabin made out of boards and plywood is a box lunch to a bear, it keeps all the occupants neatly stored for casual consumption. The guides stayed in a log cabin, with no windows bigger than 12″ square, and we stayed in similarly outfitted Conex boxes. The log cabin (18″ diameter oak logs, mostly) and the conex boxes all had BIG scratches in them, all over the damned place.
While I’m on this particular rant, you assholes spending hundreds of dollars to advertise North Face on the fronts and backs of your clothes? 99% of you have never been outside, nor done anything more strenuous than the usual number of reps on the machine at the gym. You’re real adventurers. Wander out into the closest forest preserve and tell me how long you last before you find something edible, or eat something poisonous, or die of starvation. Dumbasses.
21 comments Og | Uncategorized
Take away our tools, and humans cease to be apex predators. No claws, no fangs worth speaking of, no fur, (relatively) little mass … all we’ve got going for us is our massive honking brains. And if you don’t use those, well, don’t come crying to me when you get eaten. Nature doesn’t want to live in harmony with you.
She sounds like a great candidate for this year’s Darwin Awards.
Mother Nature is a relentless, unforgiving, take no prisoners, give no quarter, bitch. Just the way I like her.
That few people make it all the way to the Outback suits me fine. Reminds me of when I get a quality blow job…. I like the silence.
Well, even urban yuppies need a raincoat.
Got a better value for them to spend their money on, for one?
(Then again, around here, they all wear Columbia. ’cause it’s local.)
lol Sammiches!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_AZQaErz1YZg/Rw1g8C_sIrI/AAAAAAAAAAk/fCIvk_tb1Vw/s320/Bear+Sandwiches.jpg
I would have thought that the hippies read the old “Far Side” cartoons as a kid and learned a few lessons about wild animals. For example:
http://radioactivejam.com/images/08/tooComplex.jpg
http://birminghamseagle.com/images/2008/08/heybob_o.jpg
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HIoLZ3-bHXQ/RZ1_xMBDFZI/AAAAAAAAAFw/-UmLLvmLvWU/s400/polarbears.jpg
http://www.myhostedpics.com/images/escAPEe/larsonsbflastentryinjournal.jpg
I would have thought they got the hint. Especially being in cartoon form. I guess they must’ve went to the school for the gifted, like Obama did:
http://ircamera.as.arizona.edu/NatSci102/images/extinstruct_files/image002.gif
But their just furry hugable little animals!!
Spent time with a group in Moose Pass, Ak last year including my boys. Had a great time, had a .357 GP 100 on my hip. Was over the top careful with the boyz (strict instructions to bring them back!)Spent much time hiking up and down the mountains.
Had a blast, loved it. Cannot wait to go back!!
I’ve never been to big predator country but I’ve spent time in the woods. Not walking any trails but making my own. Figure I’ve spent over 6000 days walking cruise lines or marking timber. I wore 10″ White’s smokejumpers in the hills and hipboots when I worked river bottoms and swamps. Never had a problem. I’ve watched the outdoor “enthusiasts” head off down trails wearing neon hiking shorts and survival sandels or worse, shower thongs. Then they’re highly distressed when they show up in the emergency room with fang marks in their big toe.
tbird, I wear Danner Acadias afield, and I cannot tell you how right you are; you have to have the correct footwear for the job. Good boots can save your life.
I wear a Helly Hansen raincoat, I’ve had it going on twenty five years. The skipper on a crab boat we were remodeling in the shipyard where I worked gave it to me, a crewman he had fired left it. Best damn foul weather gear made. F**k North Face, expensive and delicate.
Gerry N.
Oh l ord.
It’s sad actually. Scaring the gullible kids from the big city is a major sport out here and they sure did a number on you. It doesn’t help that the idiots in the press hype bear attacks beyond all reason either.
No, for the most part, bears are not terrifying predators that carry off grown men in the night. Respect them and give them their space and you will probably never have a problem. Be cautious, carry a gun if it makes you feel better, but don’t pee your pants because you are afraid to go out at night. Sheesh.
Just as you should not live in abject terror of having a horrifying car crash on the way home tonight, nor shou d you live in fear of bears.
The chance of a bear attack in a shelter is zero. The chance in a tent is not zero. I choose zero. I’m month scared, I’m just not stupid.
Could have sworn I commented on this one…
it’s not trapped in the spam filters, and I sure didn’t delete it, Dick. Try again.
Just said that I’d been camping there several times and never had any issues.
Dumbass. Bears sleep in conex boxes to stay safe from Dick.
“Nature doesn’t want to live in harmony with you.”
Best comment I’ve read yet.
Well of course you didn’t dick, the vast majority of people have a wonderful tim even in the back country. Thanks to news paper hype, the talking heads on TV and stupid tall tales you get a small minority of idiots thinking that you can pet the animals and on the other end a tiney minority of idiots that think you need to load out like a marine to survive. Truth is animals only attack if they are sick, or they are cornered or their young are threatened. Some bears that have been fed by tourists also go feral and can be risky but they are very few and far btween.
The point of going outdoors is to get out of the shelter. And if you actually do that instead of talking about it or listening to some other nuckle head talk about it – you will probably want the good tackle too. North face use d to make good stuff but my son tells me their quality has slipped somewhat. I am hearing that a company called mountain hardwear is the latest and greatest in camping and hiking.
Rusty: if I want to lie on the ground I can do it in a million places, but I don’t.
Anyone who sleeps outdoors- especially alone- in an area known to be frequented by bears is an idiot, and deserves the ass-munching he or she gets.
“Truth is animals only attack if they are sick, or they are cornered or their young are threatened.”
That’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ver heard a human being say. Tell that, for instance, to Candice berger, who was JOGGING. I’m sure the wolv3es that attacked her were sick. No, wait, she cornered them. Or, yeah, she threatended their young, that was it. By JOGGING.
here’s an idea: google “pulled from tent by bear”, or “List of fatal bear attacks”. I bet, since you’re OBVIOUSLY CORRECT, that there won’t be a SINGLE HIT FOR EITHER SEARCH PHRASE. No, wait, there’s MILLIONS of hits.
People are regularly pulled from their tents by bears while sleeping, and eaten. This is a fact. I’d rather be called a “scaredy cat” and accused of being “A tiney manority of idiots” than what you would be if you weren’t aware of the danger, which is: Bear shit. Rusty, you’re a patent dumbass. Only luck and luck alone has prevented you from being a bear hot pocket.
Guy I used to work with was stationed way the hell out in Alaska at one time. One of the rules was that ‘In any group that leaves the base fence, at least one WILL be armed’ because the local apex predators are big, toothy and figure anything they catch is food.
They also lost two guys who went camping one night and never came back. When the search party found their camp, turned out they’d, near as could figure, set up late and didn’t realize they were near a bear trail. Tent was torn up, some bloody scraps found and that’s it; never had time to grab the rifle.
It may sound stupid to you son, because you haven’t really experienced the outdoors. I g rew up in it, sleeping ong the ground as you call it and never had a problem. If you want to live in fear and quake in your boots at night worrying yourself sick about bears be my guest, but the big kids are going to laugh at you if you do.
One final thought, before I put your fool ish web site behind me – hunting with a guide isn’t really hunting. Nor is hunting on leased farmland. I see city kids like you try and puff yourselves up to try and sound like some kind of ‘authority’ on hunting – and all you do is shoot whore house deer on leased hunting clubs. That is like a fella figuring that he is a lady’s man by going into a whore house and bedding the skanks for a fee.
No need to respond, young fella, your father obviously raised an idiot and was no doubt one himself Ha ha!
The rest of you would also be well served by putting this idiot and those like him behind you and getting out to enjoy the outdoors! You won’t be sorry! Fear like his is based on ignorance and nothing more.
Son? I’m not your fucking son, you couldn’t drink the sweat off my old man’s balls. Before I was ten I spent more time sleeping outdoors than in. I have slept on the ground in a tent surrounded by hyenas and in fields full of buffalo. I did so with armed guards sleeping in shifts, because we weren’t idiots.
This has nothing to do with fear, it has to do with common sense. Please, Rusty, put this “behind you” and go “Commune with nature” you fucktard.
Apparently nobody ever taught you common sense, courtesy, or decency, but you might just try this thing called “Reading”. It allows you to “learn” things called “Facts”. Like the fact that people are regularly, as I’ve pointed out, pulled out of tents by bears in their sleep and killed. Wonder how they were “Threatened”, since that, according to you, is the only reason they’d do such a thing. You had no answer to that, didja? Guess those facts couldn’t penetrate your noggin.
I’ve never quaked in my boots a moment because of a wild animal, but that’s because I have the common sense that you will forever lack, to keep myself out of situations where the danger might arise. By all means, wipe the nastiness of my website off your clearly superior boots, and rub them down with some bacon grease before sleeping in the woods where bears live.
No need to respond, you anencephalic classless moron, because your father was obviously anxious to rid himself of you, and dumb luck robbed him of his dream before he died in despair of having spawned such a piece of trash.