Instead, I’m sitting in my office listening to the rain fall, trying to breathe, apparently, through a garden hose filled with slugs. I mean, I could be sitting out in a tree stand, right now, waiting for deer to wander by, that are probably hunkered down in a cornfied somewhere miles away. I could have rain dripping from my nether regions right now. Instead, I’m warm and dry and indoors.

damn.