I began my day
awakening myself by stubbing my toe against the wall adjacent to the bathtub. Then I cranked my shin into the coffee table. As I sat, naked, bruised, and bleeding, on the rocking chair in front of the picture window, watching the rabbits munch on my peas, I wondered to myself, do you think it’s possible to breed vermin that will just eat weeds? Groundhogs and bunnies that will nibble down the crabgrass and elephant rhubarb, and leave your produce alone?
Pain does interesting things to the mind.
I also have a vague recollection of waking up in the wee hours with spine-bending gut pain, though I don’t know if that was real or an hallucination.
Getting old is not for pussies, it ain’t. Only tough old geezers can stand it.
My next door neighbor, put up an electric fence to keep the deer out of his garden, only to find one of them trapped inside the wire the next morning…. after turning bambi into bratwurst and repairing the fence, he realized that you need to run the wire all the way to the ground to keep the bunnies out…..
It was the funniest thing this electric fence with three lines at 2″, 4″ and 6″.
I took the Nestea Plunge down the brick steps of my house around midnight a few days ago. Copious amounts of blood was spilled. I’m now so old and inured to my own klutziness that I didn’t even use foul language. A deep sigh is all I could muster.
The sound of my fat ass going bumpety, bump in the night was enough to roust the lintwife outta bed to investigate. She axed me, “What did you just do to yourself?”
Now THAT was funny.
Just when I think I have the corner on klutz, I can read one of your gems and know that, no, I am not alone.
If Danners only made a shower steel-toe shoe.