Mr Mercedes SLR is dramatically more important than other people, so when he came down off the expressway ramp onto I-88, it was not going to be necesary for him to match his speed to other drivers and merge, he simply zoomed past them at his own chosen speed in the safety lane. This manouvere earned him the coveted and exclusive Concrete Bridge Abutment at Speed in Excess of 100MPH award. It was almost worth the traffic jam he caused, to see him standing on the side of the road, actually crying over his beautiful car. And he had a Geico sticker on it, which made me glad, because it meant his ignorance wasn’t going to increase MY insurance cost.

mrs Taurus waited until I was pinned behind her, and then proceeded to take exactly one mile to accelerate from 0 to 30 mph. Kudzu grows faster. I would have liked to take her lovely auburn hair and tie it in a knot in front of her eyes, but she’d still probably be able to see well through the 3″ of snow-white roots. The skullet on her husband was most impressive, though it was time for him to change the oil in it.