Things I’ve heard in court
“You were going two and a half times the speed limit”
“The street was two way. Neither of the ways was Sideways”
“Sweeping the loose gravel off the inside of the Vermillion Parkway S turn is not your responsibility, you were lucky you didn’t get killed”
“There are plenty of good reasons slicks are not allowed on the street”
“Well, Mr Og, this is a new record, you are on the docket for three different violations on the same day”
“Officer N was not attacking you, and vomit was not an appropriate response in any event”
“Traffic school”
“Traffic school”
“There is no road past that intersection. It is a cornfield. Using it as a shortcut to Route 8 causes Farmer X a good deal of distress”
“Traffic school”
“You do understand it is impossible to drive a trailways bus to Cuba, right? ”
“Traffic school”
“Traffic school”
“Traffic school”
“I can’t send you to Traffic school anymore. You know the course better than the instructors. Community service”
19 comments Og | Uncategorized
Dude. Try the pedal on the left.
What i want with the clutch?
LOL
“There is no road past that intersection. It is a cornfield. Using it as a shortcut to Route 8 causes Farmer X a good deal of distressâ€
At least we know now why Og drives a four wheel drive vehicle. So he can go off road in a cornfield.
Off road comes in handy in those western states where the interstate highway isn’t confined by fences and deep ditches. If there is an access road, nearby, you don’t always need an off ramp
Personally, I am glad that no one in the courthouse knows my name and they are unlikely to be able to pick me out of a lineup.
Sounds pretty familiar.
Anymore they leave me alone, but I also follow the posted signs +5.
Damn, I am getting boring.
How did that happen? I will have to go get me a go fast car.
Damn
Drive anyway you damn please, there Og.
Not so much traffic court (I went once, thank you) as what happened after — my dad went with me for moral support and took me for a burger afterwards. I was in a suit with my hair up. The waitress thought we were husband and wife.
I’m still not sure, look-your-age-wise, if that’s a compliment to my dad, or a dig at me.
Most of this occurred 25 years ago. Im much more sedate now
Aside from the occasional 40mph uey in indianapolis.
Which is why I normally stay as far away from the Lintwife’s fire-breathing Stang as much as possible.
But every now and again I gotta get my speed on.
You’re not speeding, you’re just flying really low, right?
Problem is, the older I get, as the speedo hits about 130, I start thinking about stuff that I never thought about when younger: Tires blowing, tie-rods breaking, ball-joints separating, running over metal in the road which proceeds up through the floor and impales me up the ass like a Barney Frank Popsicle.
Ahhhh, the ignorance of youth.
For community service did they make you sweep the loose gravel off the inside of the Vermillion Parkway S turn?
ted: I wish. I cleaned crappers at the juvie home for a month.
Joanna: You have a “mature” vibe, a bit past your years. It’s a compliment to your Dad. And you.
And I’d like to see you in that suit, actually.
Repeated trips to traffic court is God’s way of telling you to slow down and obey the rules of the road. That judge should not have been so lenient, at least after the third or fourth trip to traffic school.
Of course most people, when young, think they’re invulnerable.
Six different judges, and many more violations than that, and lots of reasons why I no longer drink.
OK. I’m going to shock youse who know my stance on unions. But when I was young and bulletproof and driving wheeled vehicles for a living, I was a Teamster. And I had a union shop steward who was “Connected” at the courthouse. You’d give him a ticket and the ten bucks for court costs and he’d get it “taken care of.” No record. No points on license.
Otherwise, some of those would have been me.
“But officer, I *WAS* only going one way!”
“Wow! 35 over! You must have some fast film in that thing!”
“No, officer. Nothing to drink. That? That’s incense. I had a bunch of musicians… my last fare. Patchouli, I think. Me? Weaving? NOOooo! Bloodshot? Must my my allergies acting up.”
M
Hizzonor asked me why I rode my motorcycle from one light to the next over a set of railroad tracks on the back wheel, I explained that while stopped at the first light the guy in the towel truck beside me said I couldn’t do it and I didn’t know riding on one wheel was careless and reckless driving. I have since learned that some cops just don’t want anybody having any fun.
I was a traffic school instructor for 9 years. DUI, point suspension, single ticket, insurance, senior drivers…all of ’em. There is life after, thank goodness.