Things heard in a house with a dog
“No. I do not need your assistance in the bathroom.
No, there is no such thing as a peeing eye dog.
Yes, I know you want to rub your ears on the bath mat, but I don’t want you to do that.
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My wife and I were getting ready to do the nasty. She was in the bathroom getting “ready.” I was naked, lying face down on the bed. The dog jumped up on the bed, and after some sniffing, decided to poke her ice cold nose directly into my XXX. I screamed and jumped off the bed. My wife came into the room to see what was the matter, and when I told her, she nearly died. I didn’t see what was so funny.
It’s different when you have cats. One time I was watching a pr0n0 and knew it was true amateur because of the way the cat came in and sat on the floor and watched–the cat had the best seat in the house.
Of course the cat’s attitude is usually, “Why don’t you stop that nonsense and feed me?”
That is indeed a cat. It is all around the bed and food.
Dogs can be less into personal space.
“No, there is no such thing as a peeing eye dog.”
I am so stealing this.
Jenny
Sadie is definitely a peeing eye dog.
The only bathroom problem I ever had with a critter was my old tomcat “Freak”. He loved to take baths. The day my new bride and I came home from our honeymoon, she was taking a bath when she started screaming like her hair was on fire. It was only Freak helping her bathe. Once I got ’em both calmed down and the missus found out Freak didn’t have fleas, all was well. Ya just had to wash the cat with his special pine tar soap and scrub brush and rinse him off, then he’d jump out onto the bathmat and do the cat drying routine. Yup, a cat that bathed and preffered pine tar soap. Why’d ya think I named him Freak? He lived 18 years and we still miss him. Cleanest cat in the Puget Sound basin.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
“Stop licking my balls and go lick your own. Besides, that’s not your job. Right, Honey?”
then the wife says ‘I’m not doing sloppy seconds to a dog!”
I wouldn’t know. The memory’s a little fuzzy after that…….
Does it have something to do wth the size-six dent in your head?
Nah. That’s another story involving a John Deere tractor, sub-soiler and a big fkn fat-lighter stump.
The Horror.